Last week I was on the phone with my sister and she started asking lots of questions about IVF, which is unusual since she generally avoids the subject. She was asking because she had something in mind: she proposed to donate us her eggs if and whenever we decide to move on to donors. It’s the first time this happens to me and I am not surprised that it happened with my sister (we are very close despite a big age difference). It moved me that she asked and I really appreciated her offer.
Unfortunately – as far as I’m aware – direct egg donation is not possible in Europe.
My sister could still donate for someone else at my name to reduce my waiting list for eggs from 2 to 1.5 years.
But I also have other reasons for which I would not like my sister to donate her eggs (not just yet at least): I don’t like the idea of her donating eggs now with the risk of later regretting it. What if by any chance she has problems getting pregnant? My sister and my mum say I should stop thinking negatively and that if the situation was reversed I would do the same. Very likely but still..
What I find surprising instead is that none of my husband’s buddies have offered to donate for us. That would reduce the waiting from 1.5 to 1 year. He has tons of brother-like friends who have kids (only young men who already have children can donate) but no one has offered. Admittedly, my husband is not the king of communication so it may be weird to go up to him saying: hey dude I heard you have crappy sperm, you can have mine if you want; I’m a real man! Similarly to be honest I was surprised that one of my best friends here in Paris, who is more fertile than a rabbit, never asked. I think I would have. But then that’s hard to say. The only friend who said something about this is a friend who is paraplegic (she had an accident a couple of years ago): she told me she would have loved to do it but not after all the surgeries and problems she’s had/has. Of course, I would never have let her do it! But it was impressive that she brought it up.
I know there’s a huge choice in donating your genes and most people are not comfortable with it. Donating eggs or sperm means you’ll know you are very likely to have kids somewhere out there that you will never meet. But I think I have stopped seeing things like this a while ago. You can also think that you have created a happy family somewhere. Every IVF I have signed papers saying that if everything works out my remaining embryos can be donated. Every time I have nothing to donate but I still sign the papers just in case I can eventually help someone.
But, it is not the right time to worry about this now. I need to focus on the hopefully upcoming IVF. It may be the last one with our own stuff so it deserves full attention!