Back in the (adoption) game

A while ago, right as we started the last IVF cycle, we receive a letter from the adoption council telling us that we had to let them know when we wanted to start the procedure again. Otherwise they would just consider our adoption request withdrawn.

I haven’t talked much about adoption but when we found out about our infertility problems we also filed for adoption. My husband talked about it first. I wasn’t immediately very enthusiastic but the idea grew on me. I started reading about it and little by little I became very excited about it. So we filed for adoption.

I’m not an adoption expert but reading through a few blogs I understand that the adoption process depends a lot by the country. Where we live we are required to send a simple letter to the local administration letting them know we intend to apply for adoption. After a few months you are called to go to an group meeting in which applicants are informed of the procedure as well as the depressing statistics and difficulties of the process. The meeting lasts for several hours and it is seriously discouraging. The main points are that there is an average five year wait even after you obtain the authorization to adopt and that during the check up procedure to obtain the authorization you’ll be asked very intimate questions that you won’t like. I think that this meeting is done on purpose to discourage applicants.

If you decide to pursue adoption despite the awful statistics, the next step is to gather documents and fill in loads of paperwork. In particular you are asked to state your preference on the age, the race, the number and the health state of the adoptive child(ren) you wish to have. I found this very hard, especially specifying the health state.

After the paperwork is done and after another few months wait, you are allowed to start the check up phase, during which the adoption people check whether you would be a good adoptive parent, your motivation, you as an individual and as a couple etc. To start you are given the contacts of a social assistant and a psychologists who will follow you. Then after a couple of months wait (lots of waiting) you can go meet the social assistant. That’s the first of a few appointments: a few (minimum 4) appointments with the social assistant, one of which at your place and one of which individual (the others are all together as a couple), 2-3 appointments with the psychologist and 2 appointments with a pedopsychiatrist. All appointments are at a distance of a month minimum to let you have time to think through the discussions.

After all this, you wait while the local authorities decide whether you are allowed to adopt. If you do get the authorization to adopt, then you can either pursue adoption of a baby in your area, which only requires a yearly meeting to confirm you still want to adopt, or you pursue adoption abroad, which means redoing lots of these psychological assessments with an adoption agency. In both cases the wait is about five years.

As for us, last year we went for a first meeting (with the social assistant) and a second one (with the psychologist). They both felt we were still too young (hadn’t been married for long enough) and too involved in IVF to continue. They suggested we had a break. It’s been quite a long break but we just received a letter saying we should start again. I talked to the social assistant today and we have an appointment with her in early July. That’s very soon. We were planning to go in September but we were asked to start again now. What’s quite cool is that just as I got the appointment I also got excited about this. I hope it’ll go well..

It’s hard after months of focusing on a trying to have a baby grow in my tummy, to switch to having an adopted baby. Truth is I would love to have both!!!

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6 Responses to Back in the (adoption) game

  1. knalani says:

    What exciting news! I’ll be wishing for the best for you. Maybe you’ll get both after all! 🙂

  2. Very exciting! Wishing you the best!

  3. redbluebird says:

    Very exciting! However it happens, I hope your baby comes home to you soon 🙂

  4. eph525 says:

    I wish you all the best as you pursue the next steps.

  5. Joanna Schwartz says:

    Aww, this is good news. I have at least two friends who struggled for years to have babies using fertility treatments, only to get pregnant (multiple times) once they had adopted children. Magic.
    This is exciting! but why is the process so freaking hard??? Come to the US, I don’t think it’s anywhere near as difficult!

  6. Kitten says:

    Exciting news! Good luck!

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