An infertile at a bachelorettes’ party

I am back after a Bachelorette’s party weekend. I’m not a huge party person, but I was very motivated to have a good time and above all to make sure the future bride (huge party person) would have a good time. All this even if I was aware that there will be one very pregnant girl and one girl with a five month old. While other girls looked appalled when they were told about the baby, I tried to be more positive. Though, ex post I think they may have been right…

Since there were lots of mums and one pregnant girl, most of the discussions ended up being about pregnancy, including problems during delivery, blood circulation issues, stretch marks in your legs and tummy etc. Most of the non-pregnancy discussions ended up being about babies. Like comparing how often the other mums would breastfeed when their babies were the same age and other things of the sort. Nothing too wrong with this if you’re having a girly reunion and you all have kids but maybe not the best topic for a Bachelorette’s party. The baby crying and the breastfeeding breaks at the dinner table also didn’t help creating a party mood and play games, especially since the girl who came with the baby was in charge of the games and did not want to delegate.

On Saturday night the plan was to go clubbing and that the baby would stay with the grandparents. The mum would then go breastfeed every three hours. She came clubbing but then fell asleep on the floor at 2 am. So we all ended up going back to sleep. I have all sympathy for a breastfeeding mum with a young baby who doesn’t sleep much and is knackered. But why not skip the clubbing or get organised so you can go back alone when you get too tired? I was quite chuffed about going back early but t was just a pity for the bride who is used to go clubbing until early morning.

How did I feel in the middle of this? It was ok most of the time but I had a few moments when it was a bit hard. It’s mostly small things or some words that hurt even if they are not said towards me. It was lovely to see the bride looking forward to a bright future, full of happiness and with high expectations. And most people there seemed so happy and trusting their future. That made me feel quite lonely at times. The future scares be and I think I lack a certain lightness of being. I was ok with the pregnancy and kids discussions and luckily no one asked me questions. But often the ladies with kids talked to the ones without saying “when you’ll have kids you’ll see…”. I hate that “when”. It makes me feel like saying it’s “if” and not “when”.

I also got annoyed when, while playing games, a girl started proudly saying that she had a great sex life, that her husband had a big penis and that all this showed because she had two babies to demonstrate it. I wanted to ask how she studied the correlation between sperm quality and penis size. Your sex life can be just fine even when your husband has crappy sperm.

There were loads of complaints about pregnancy. At one point I was alone with the girl who brought the baby. She started complaining about her round tummy and looked at me for moral support. I couldn’t find anything to say. I know this sounds horrible but I could feel no sympathy whatsoever. I was like the fattest person there so why would she possibly ask me for moral support? I have gained lots of weight lately and not for a pregnancy but for treatments that did not even get me pregnant. Despite the fact that I can understand you may feel bad being the one with a round tummy, I really couldn’t get myself to say something nice.

As for the pregnant girl, at first it wasn’t too bad being around her. She struggled to get pregnant: it took her over four years but then she got pregnant on her first IUI. I also like her a lot so it was ok. But I got a bit annoyed that she was drinking three coffees a day, two glasses of champagne every evening, eating shrimps and raw salmon and biking. All things I don’t allow myself to do during IVF and in the TWW because I have been advised not to. It made me feel stupid about worrying too much. But still, I don’t understand how after years of trying in vain you could not be super cautious.

All in all I am quite proud of myself. I didn’t cry, didn’t talk about infertility, didn’t look sad. I just socialized more with the non-mums and those who did not complain about pregnancy and giving birth. I enjoyed a lovely bike ride, the yoga course, dancing, sunbathing at the swimming pool and I also discovered a certain talent for surfing. I’m not feeling great yet but I can see I’m heading in the right direction..

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8 Responses to An infertile at a bachelorettes’ party

  1. jesselyn6585 says:

    I love your positive attitude in this post. I’m glad you’re making progress. I’m sorry to hear about the annoying parts but happy that it didn’t ruin the party for you.

  2. barrenbetty says:

    You have such a great attitude… Not sure I would have coped quite so well at that party!! I have no patience anymore with people complaining about pregnancy or their lives changing once they have children. I normally just smile (probably looks like a grimace) and change the subject. Sounded like a nice break if you discount any annoying pregnant ladies/mums… And surfing?! Wow! Xxx

  3. newtoivf says:

    My goodness this sounds awful! You sound like you coped really well but jeez! X

  4. knalani says:

    You are amazing! I don’t think I could’ve done it!

  5. E v e l y n says:

    I admire your strength. I’ve been in some very minor uncomfortable situations but not an entire weekend. And I’m glad you didn’t give sympathy to the woman with some pregnancy pounds. Why on earth would she need it anyway?

  6. E v e l y n says:

    Oh, and don’t even get me started on the champagne, coffee, and raw fish. I didn’t do that during my TWW either and even felt bad having sushi (with cooked fish) and peanut butter the days prior to a transfer. I only did it because I was hoping I wouldn’t be having any for the next year or so.

  7. Joanna Schwartz says:

    A certain talent for surfing!!! You’re my girl!

  8. Finally catching up. I read your posts on my iPhone but when I’m running 3G it doesn’t submit the comment correctly grrrrr. I find that in those situations, I know a hell of a lot more about pregnancy and the things that come after than the mums to be. Sometimes they even ask ‘How do you know so much?’

    We’ll just be super ready for when it’s our turn!! And I’m really glad that it didn’t knock you. This is a good place to be.

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