No miracle for us today

This morning I woke up to such a beautiful, sunny, crisp fall day. I woke up very early to go to the only place where you can get your blood tests done on a Sunday, which is exactly at the opposite part of town for me. No fun to be stuck in the train for 40 minutes each way on a Sunday morning, But at least I took time on the way back to walk a bit and to enjoy the calm of the city. 

The results came out pretty quickly this time and, unfortunately, with no surprises: the hCG level is down to 10 (15 two days ago), thus setting the final verdict for a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage. 

As you can imagine, I read a lot in the last 48 hours about chemical pregnancies. For my understanding it’s not fully clear what the causes are, although abnormal chromosomal issues seem to be the most common explanation. This generally happens with poor quality eggs and sperm, which perfectly reflects our case (crappy eggs AND sperm). Other issues could be infections (but I’ve been checked for that and it’s not the case), thyroid problems (also checked and under control), abnormal hormonal levels (may as well be, my hormones are always a mess) or inadequate uterine lining (I thought that was ok but never know).

Everyone keeps telling me that a chemical pregnancy is better than nothing, that this is progress and that next time we’ll get there. I nod. But I can’t help wonder if we will ever get there. Poor sperm and egg quality is the most likely explanation for us, since it’s also the initial starting point. And we’re not going to improve that. But I guess my hubby is right in telling me that this is more encouraging than the results we had so far.

I’m quite lost on where to go next. I have lots of thoughts and open questions floating in my head. When to do the next IVF cycle, how to do it, what tests to do beforehand, what other meds to try… I have an appointment with the gynecologist in about two weeks to discuss, so that should be enough time to tidy up my ideas.

But for tonight, I think I deserve a drink.

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24 Responses to No miracle for us today

  1. Stina says:

    *sigh* be good to yourself and enjoy that drink! I’m so sorry.

  2. E v e l y n says:

    I’m sorry to hear this. It’s never easy even when you sort of expect it. When it happened to me my friend told me it was my body learning how to be pregnant. I did get pregnant my next cycle but it was an ectopic (cervical) pregnancy. I’m not sure what went wrong first with that one.

    I did get some solace in the fact that my body did get pregnant once so could do it again. I think a drink is in order.

  3. I’m so sorry lady. Hugs to you, friend. Take good care of yourself. xoxo

  4. jesselyn6585 says:

    *great big hug* I’m sorry Love. I really wanted this to be your turn.

  5. lydiaseeks says:

    I’m so sorry. You definitely deserve a nice huge drink.

  6. Little Wife says:

    I’m so sorry that you didn’t get your miracle…
    When you want if you need one more drink.
    LW.

  7. I am sorry. I hope your next appointment will bring you answers. I like to think that each unsuccessful try gives us at least the chance to better know our body and what failed, and to do fine-tuning for the next attempt…

    • kiftsgate says:

      Yes, that thought cheers me up. I’m looking forward to going to the appointment. I just better not create too many expectations on answers, because often doctors don’t have a clue either…

  8. Kitten says:

    I’m so sorry.😦

  9. I’m really sorry. I’m thinking of you and your hubby.

  10. Joanna Schwartz says:

    Really f’ing hard. Hang in there, bunny. It will get better.

  11. Joanna Schwartz says:

    Want to come visit?

  12. Joanna Schwartz says:

    Ok.

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