This morning I woke up to such a beautiful, sunny, crisp fall day. I woke up very early to go to the only place where you can get your blood tests done on a Sunday, which is exactly at the opposite part of town for me. No fun to be stuck in the train for 40 minutes each way on a Sunday morning, But at least I took time on the way back to walk a bit and to enjoy the calm of the city.
The results came out pretty quickly this time and, unfortunately, with no surprises: the hCG level is down to 10 (15 two days ago), thus setting the final verdict for a chemical pregnancy / early miscarriage.
As you can imagine, I read a lot in the last 48 hours about chemical pregnancies. For my understanding it’s not fully clear what the causes are, although abnormal chromosomal issues seem to be the most common explanation. This generally happens with poor quality eggs and sperm, which perfectly reflects our case (crappy eggs AND sperm). Other issues could be infections (but I’ve been checked for that and it’s not the case), thyroid problems (also checked and under control), abnormal hormonal levels (may as well be, my hormones are always a mess) or inadequate uterine lining (I thought that was ok but never know).
Everyone keeps telling me that a chemical pregnancy is better than nothing, that this is progress and that next time we’ll get there. I nod. But I can’t help wonder if we will ever get there. Poor sperm and egg quality is the most likely explanation for us, since it’s also the initial starting point. And we’re not going to improve that. But I guess my hubby is right in telling me that this is more encouraging than the results we had so far.
I’m quite lost on where to go next. I have lots of thoughts and open questions floating in my head. When to do the next IVF cycle, how to do it, what tests to do beforehand, what other meds to try… I have an appointment with the gynecologist in about two weeks to discuss, so that should be enough time to tidy up my ideas.
But for tonight, I think I deserve a drink.