One of my dearest friends sent me this article a few days ago: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-24725655.
The article talks about the people for which IVF didn’t work, which is quite rare since normally you only hear success stories. No surprise there, the stories of people for which IVF has not worked are the sad ones. Not because their lives are necessarily sad after IVF but because for these couples IVF is not the miracle technique that got them their baby.
I don’t want to be negative, but I think it’s important to talk about this. It’s important to remember that this is why people undergoing IVF are so scared. I bet we would all be more lighthearted if we had a guarantee that at some point IVF will get us a baby. But we don’t. We don’t know if we’ll be among the lucky ones or not.
My friend sent me this article writing “this made me think of you”. I liked that she wrote that. I don’t think she wrote it because she has lost hope on IVF ever working for me, even if three failed IVF cycles are starting to look bad. I think it was a way of telling me she understands the pain of the uncertainty, the fear that it may not work, that one day I may look back and think that all these years were a waste.
I think it’s great that some people understand this. I hate comments like “I’m sure that it will work”. I know that people say it to give me strength, but this comment diminishes the difficulty of the situation. No one can be sure that it will work! I also don’t like when people who got pregnant through IVF tell us to continue fighting because having a baby is wonderful and because one day we’ll hold our baby in our arms and think that it was worth all the sufferance. I would love for them to remember the importance of phrasing things right and the fact that we do not know what destiny lies ahead of us: we may never hold that baby in our arms!
I don’t wish IVF had never been invented. It’s given me hope when I would have had none otherwise. And it’s given a family to many other couples in a situation similar to mine. But I know that one day I may regret having tried too many times or even having tried at all.