Yesterday we had the second and last meeting with the pedopsychiatrist for the adoption process. This time we had individual meetings. My husband went in first and updated her on our progress with international adoption and our recent meeting with the psychologist. When I went in, she asked me how I felt about the progress we made. I said we had learnt a lot from the last meeting and that we were little by little finding out more information about international adoption.
Then she asked what my mum was like and whether she got along with my husband. I said she’s very present in my life, she’s caring and she tries to help and get involved as much as possible. My husband and my mum get along very well overall. They always liked each other, from the very first day. And my mum really spoils him.
She said that when we’ll have an adopted child, I’ll need to be careful balancing things out, making sure that my family, which is very present, doesn’t dominate too much. She gave the example of holidays and how much time to spend with one family or the other. I’m not too worried since my husband lost his mum but he has a huge family he’s very attached to, so we’ll definitely need to see both families. She said I still need to consider the absence of one grandmother by making sure we talk about her, because it’ll help build the child’s identity and to make sure everything is out in the open. It’s important that a child does not feel that there are subjects that cannot be talked about, otherwise we risk him thinking it’s not ok to ask questions, for instance on his birth family.
We then talked more about my mum. My mum loved being pregnant and she often tells us that she wishes she could put us back inside her belly (instead of having us run around the world far from her), or that she is more important than dad because she carried us, etc. She’s not a nut case, and says this joking most of the times. It’s always been her way to tell us that she loves us more than anything. But lately I find it hard to hear these comments. Not only because I may never have biological children, but also because it diminishes the role of an adoptive mother. She suggested I should either talk to her, or simply do some work to better understand that my mum doesn’t mean to diminish my possible future role of adoptive mother.
We still have a few meetings to go, but this was the last with this very inspiring lady. She’s been the best, the most optimistic, the only one giving us energy and pushing us to dream. I’m really thankful we were assigned to her. Now, I just hope she’ll write a fantastic report on us!