Unexpected meltdown

Sometimes it’s small things that cause a meltdown. When something big happens we find strength and pull ourselves together. But at times a tiny thing makes all this strength vanish.

I have been working so hard at getting everything set up before the Christmas break: I took the treatments for the biopsy, had he biopsy done, looked for a new endocrinologist,  got the insulin resistance tests done to check if I needed metformine, found a new acupuncturist, found an osteopath…

I had it all figured out so that even if I had to take metformine for thee months before IVF I could at least start before the holidays and still manage to have IVF in April at the latest.

But today, as I opened the envelope with the results, I immediately understood that the girl who recorded the exam got it wrong and forgot to have my insulin checked after taking the glucose drink. I told her twice that it was important and I needed it done!

I went back to the lab to check and the lady said “yup sorry, it has not been done. Nothing I can do”. I couldn’t keep it together and started sobbing and saying that it was unfair, that I will have to do it again, waste two months of time, pay foe the test again. She said sorry but that she couldn’t do anything. Had she at least told me I wouldn’t have to pay for the test again, I think I would have felt a bit better but she just didn’t give a damn.

So I found myself sobbing in the street while a large speaker was playing Christmas Carols and people were enjoying an exceptionally sunny day.

I know what I have to do: relax, think of something else, take it easy… but it’s not easy to relax when even that becomes a task on your to do list. Its not easy when you feel the weight of what is now over two years spent doing IVF, medical tests, trying to understand all these techniques, trying to keep it together at work, trying to keep a social life, trying to carry on being happy… 

Sorry, I know this is just a bad day. It’ll hopefully be better tomorrow.

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30 Responses to Unexpected meltdown

  1. I’ve been like this EVERY day this week and hiding in the house because my nerves are already so raw that any/all inconvenience/inconsideration brings about tears and stifled sobs. I’m sorry those a**holes screwed up your test–someone should be punished for that–and NOT you! Hugs. XO

  2. 😦 It’s so terrible how you can be going along just fine and then BAM! A MELTDOWN! I’m so sorry they screwed up your glucose test.. That test is terrible as it is! I would have certainly had a meltdown too… I hope you do have a better day tomorrow.

  3. maeussle says:

    Yup, I would have lost it, too…and I don’t think that’s a small thing to lose it over either. That’s why I’m so paranoid myself when it comes to tests and stuff that needs to be done before the next step whatever that might be. I’m one of those patients who will double check things and probably be one of those annoying patients the office will talk about…who cares, right? Anyhow, I’m sorry this has happened to you and understand your meltdown…hugs!

  4. Elisha says:

    i am so sorry you had such a bad day. It seems like this can happen so quick and easy. Tomorrow will be a better day! I have lots of hope for this for you 🙂 Pain in the night but joy in the morning 😉 hugs to you

  5. Lisette says:

    Oh lovely this is horrible. I can’t believe they screwed this up for you, it’s so upsetting. You are doing so well keeping it together and planning like you have been, for someone to come along and screw that up really makes me angry. I do completely understand how these meltdowns happen, we try so hard to manage and that one thing can throw us over the edge. I feel like I’m walking a tightrope. Any time I could misstep and fall over the edge. You are doing sooo well though and are so strong. I wish we could rely on the efficiency of others to be as good as your own. So sorry. Hugs xxx

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thanks a lot! It made me feel so much better to get all these support messages. I was feeling so sad and lonely. I feel better today but really just need a rest. Big hug.xx

  6. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I’m sending hugs and energy your way. It sounds like you are making lots of positive changes and getting relevant tests done. I am really hoping that there will be a solution for the glucose/insulin test before the holidays. xoxo

  7. E v e l y n says:

    I don’t really see this as a small thing. It’s frustrating as hell frankly, especially when you reminded the person that it was important. I hope things can get redone faster than you expect.

  8. jesselyn6585 says:

    Oh Love! That isn’t fair! You shouldn’t have to pay for it a second time if it wasn’t done the first time. I’m so sorry you have to go through drinking that gross stuff again. I probably would have reacted the same way. Sending you lots of love and a great big hug.

  9. Ugh! I am so sorry lady. There is so much of this process that is outside of our control, so many people who have to come together to make things work, and it sucks when we are counting on those people and they don’t do their jobs. Hope you get lots of love and support over the holidays (which are stressful enough as it is!). xoxo

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thank you! I’m actually very lucky: will spend the holidays with my family (mom, dad, sister, hubby) in the mountains in a tiny village with the possibility to go skiing and then for a few days alone with hubby. Can’t complain about cousins with babies and things of the sort. Very lucky! Hope you’ll have nice holidays too! xx

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thank you! I’m actually very lucky: will spend the holidays with my family (mom, dad, sister, hubby) in the mountains in a tiny village with the possibility to go skiing and then for a few days alone with hubby. Can’t complain about cousins with babies and things of the sort. Very lucky! Hope you’ll have nice holidays too! xx

  10. Dani says:

    Tough day, love. Wishing you better ones ahead.

    Oh…and totally agree with you about them paying for the retest.

    Should have happened.

    Should. Have.

  11. Pingback: Last meeting with the adoption psychologist! | Today I hope

  12. only just seen this as WordPress is doing stupid things with my reader….I’m so sorry hon, I was stood in the street sobbing last week too and know just how horrible it is. Can’t believe they’ve messed you around, and to not even be apologetic…ugh. hugs xx

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