The incredible complications of an infertile’s mind

I finally got the results from all the fancy tests I’ve been doing in the past months. For what regards my metabolism (diabetes, insulin and glycaemia) all is good. I could try to get some metformin to avoid the risk of hyperstimulation, but since my gynecologist already figured out how to avoid hyperstimulations, it seems a bit pointless to inflict myself a month of stomachache and other lovely side effects. I also got the results of the endometrial biopsy. I basically have a perfect uterine lining. I even have the right amount of Natural Killer (NK) cells. All is good. 

And yet, all my silly infertile mind could focus on was this lovely line at the end of the results sheets: “These results do not explain the repeated implantation failures”.

Who on earth can get grumpy after receiving positive test results? ME!

I would slap myself but I wouldn’t be credible, so feel free to send a virtual slap if you want.

Of course I’m happy nothing bad came up from the results but at the same time this means I’ve gone through months of tests to get back to where we were before. We have no clue on why IVF didn’t work and no further hint on where to go next.

I’ll call tomorrow to go see the gynecologist soon and see what plan she proposes. Who knows, she may surprise me with some innovative idea! (yeah right..)

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22 Responses to The incredible complications of an infertile’s mind

  1. E v e l y n says:

    I won’t slap you. Of course no one wants bad news but the thing about the good news is that it doesn’t really explain much and you’re left wondering. Is it possible to do any genetic testing on embryos where you are? Issues with the embryos is probably not what you want to hear but it might also shed some light on things.

    • kiftsgate says:

      I have looked into genetic testing on embryos, I think it is forbidden in here. I think that’s why I’m annoyed: the only answer left is that the embryos are bad. Which is not surprising given that we have crappy eggs and sperm. But it just means that the only thing we can do is try again and hope that this time it’ll work.
      Thanks Evelyn!

  2. I definitely understand your mixed emotions about the test results. I have reacted in the same way to test results on this IVF journey. But I’m also really happy for you that you have a strong and health uterine lining that is able and ready to welcome a little embryo. Crossing fingers, and toes and any other crossable body part that 2014 will be the year.

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thanks you for understanding. I think I also heard so much about this miracolous endo scratch giving as results an A or B type each with a different protocol to follow, that getting results saying I’m not A nor B but normal left be a bit lost. I am glad all is well. Thanks a lot!

  3. Elisha says:

    i totally understand the mixed emotions. I would be just like you. Try not to focus on the “unknowns” and just focus on the positives of what you do know, which is that you got an awesome good health report. I am thankful and praising God nothing serious is wrong. Have a great week and hopefully your gyno will have some new suggestions 😉

  4. Little Wife says:

    I totally understand your feeling, it’s hard to go through all these exams and get no clue of what is going wrong. But you cannot say you are at the same point as you were before the tests. You are going forward. Try to focus on the positive, having a perfectly healthy uterus IS a good news. Hope you feel good today and had enough rest to go back to work.

    • kiftsgate says:

      You are right, at least now we are more sure that it’s all about the egg and sperm quality, and that there’s nothing wrong with the uterine lining. I’m back at work today and only had one cough crisis so far! Merci ma belle!

  5. Lindsay says:

    No slapping from me! Sometimes I think the “unknown” is more frustrating than anything else. You go through this battery of tests only to walk away without answers. Sending you good thoughts!!

  6. Kitten says:

    We all want the doctors to find *something, preferably something that can be fixed. It’s frustrating when they don’t, even though it’s ultimately a good thing.

  7. maeussle says:

    That is very disappointing and frustrating. I guess it all comes down to the quality of eggs and sperms, huh? But, it’s gotta happen eventually…it’s just a matter of matching the right egg with the right sperm…if it were that easy we would all be pregnant. Sorry, that you didn’t get a more definite answer. I hope your gyno will come up with something good!

    • kiftsgate says:

      Yup, all comes back to egg and sperm quality, which is not surprising. I have crappy eggs, hubby has less than 1% normal sperm. So yes, not a surprise.. Please let the next IVF match that 1 decent swimmer with one little decent egg of mine!!

  8. Joanna Schwartz says:

    Confusing! You have two conflicting pieces of information here. I’m with Evelyn though. Could it be that there some piece of info you’re missing???

    • kiftsgate says:

      What happened is that I did this biopsy which was meant to tell me whether I was A or B type. For each type there was a super treatment to do, which I heard worked every time. So, when I saw results saying I am normal (ie not A nor B), I immediately thought I won’t have the treatment that will work then.
      I know it’s good news and I’m grateful, but I also feel left without a magic solution.
      I may not fully understand the results though. I’ll try go see the doctor soon to see what she says.
      Big hug love!

  9. redbluebird says:

    I know it’s frustrating to not get an answer, but ruling things out is always good too. If you know the eggs and sperm aren’t the best, you definitely don’t want to add another issue! It may just be chance– whether you get that good egg & sperm. It sucks to not be able to control that though.
    I hope your doctor comes up with a brilliant plan!

  10. During my first rounds of tests I kept waiting to be told something was wrong and I was equally as frustrated when I was told that everything looked ok. I haven’t done all the tests around IVF yet though e.g. NK cells. Anyhow – ultimately this is good news for you. Just have to be keep rolling the dice until it happens.

  11. Pingback: Feeling a bit lost… | Today I hope

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