Trying to be positive

Alright, admittedly I’ve been throwing pity parties long enough. I think it’s time I (try to) stop.

Some of the comments I got from my super depressive last post made me realize I really need to be more positive (thanks a lot to those who took the time to reassure me and encourage me, including my dearest Scottish reader).

One of the things that really got to me was what Holly told me: that we’ll have a beautiful story to tell. It won’t be a drunken story of a one night stand. I know it won’t be a fun story of how we conceived on a desert beach during our honeymoon either but it will be the story of two persons who love each other and fought as much as they could to have a family. And that’s a good story to tell. I got reminded of how touched I was the first time I read an infertility memoir. I did find it was a beautiful story…

Infertility has changes us, so we won’t be young and funny parents but this journey has also taught me a lot about myself, my husband and our desire for parenthood. So I also know we won’t be parents of the type “yeah we will have a baby but we will still go out partying”, “we’ll have the grandparents to take care of them so we can carry on living our lives as before”, or “now that my BFF has a baby I need one too”. We want this child more than anything else!

The other thing that really made me think is Evelyn‘s question: what am I doing for my child? I am doing a lot! I’m dieting, exercising, I took drugs, injections, did IVF, went to see loads of doctors, did acupuncture, meditation, relaxation, did my best to figure myself out, to improve our marriage.. I could go on but you probably have a similar list.. But I know what I am not doing enough: I am not being happy enough. If I carry on like this I will become so sad that I won’t be able to make a child happy. I need to figure myself out so that I don’t become too sad and too different.

It won’t be easy, but I’m telling myself it’s like jogging: if I don’t go for a while it takes me a lot of self discipline to convince myself to move my lazy butt, but once I’m out in the park, I am happy and I feel like going more and more often. Right now all I want to do is sulk. But I need to be more positive… I promise I’ll at least try! Plus I have company, right Ms Little Wife?


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20 Responses to Trying to be positive

  1. maeussle says:

    It’s hard to be positive when you go through infertility. Trust me I know what you are writing about…I’m a pessimist to begin with and that sure didn’t improve with the whole infertility process. But, I am trying to push out negative thoughts especially now that I’m pregnant. I’m trying not to think about what could be wrong with my baby, but rather try to tell myself “everything’s fine” and maybe eventually I’ll convince myself of that. The way I see it…thinking negatively won’t change a situation and thinking positively won’t hurt either way. I hope you can find a good way that works for you to get a bit out of the sadness zone! Hang in there!

  2. E v e l y n says:

    It’s a powerful question isn’t it? And the answers really show how strong and determined you are.

  3. Elisha says:

    It’s so hard to always remain positive. Believe it or not, I am a pessimist by nature, but God has really been working in me and I am so optimistic that I will be a mother and have lots of babies. I used to not feel this way, but as I sought after God and told Him what I needed, I noticed a shift in my thoughts. There are days where i have to fight off the thoughts, but that’s when I just remember scriptures that I have memorized. If you need some, feel free to email me at

    To hope in the BIble means to have a joyful, positive and confident expectation

    When I was pessimistic, I started with verses on hope…thought of what I was hoping for…and put my faith with such joy and confidence that it would come. I don’t know when, but I do know that the Bible says that Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but WHEN it comes, it is a tree of life. It will come 🙂 That alone gives me confidence. hugs!

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thank you Elisha! It’s almost impossible to think of you as a pessimist! You are such a huge example of positive attitude and strength for me. When I was in school my literature teacher I adored once told us that people who have faith in God are much stronger. I didn’t understand what she meant at the time. I do understand it now. I’m not religious and that can make it harder to find strength and hope at times. But I really admire the values and preaching of your religion, they make me think. Thanks for sharing them. Hugs!

      • Elisha says:

        It’s not about religion for me…it’s only about a relationship. That’s all God wants. He just wants us to have a relationship with Him. I think He is pretty amazing to want to commune with us xoxoxo

  4. barrenbetty says:

    Great attitude and great post! You also have tons of cheer leaders like me cheering you on with pom poms/wine/dancing/screaming/pizza (delete as required) xxx

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thank you! Next time I go through treatments I’ll write you to get the pictures of the pom poms then! 😀
      Right now though it’s me cheering for you! I gathered a huge cheerleaders team and I bet you can hear us cheering from across the channel!xx

  5. I will try to join you….maybe…in a few weeks after I’ve wallowed first!! xx

    • kiftsgate says:

      I really wish you could have just had your miracle instead of having to join the club of having to try to be positive.. I’m thinking of you lots honey and sending a huge huge hug!xx

  6. Lisette says:

    This is great, I will try to take your lead hun. I need me some happy thoughts. It’s so nice to read this xx

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thanks! I really hope you get to the point when you can just relax and enjoy being pregnant. Though most of all I just hope you get to have your baby in a few months! xx

  7. jesselyn6585 says:

    I love this post so much. Your readers are so right. One of the best things I was told when I was depressed was that whenever and however it finally happens, my child will never wonder if they were wanted and loved.

  8. Holly says:

    I’m so glad my comment helped!! I’m trying to be more positive too. Maybe we can help remind each other?

  9. Little Wife says:

    Of course you have company ! You’re right, it requests a bit of discipline but it is for the best. Hope you had a nice week end.

  10. Pingback: So much a do about 2 days | Today I hope

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