I just came back from a lovely work trip. I was sent to the same city and company where I had worked on an internship 11 years ago. 11 years… just typing that makes me feel old! I loved that internship and that stay abroad! I found out so much about myself, what I love, what I am like when I’m alone, how much I love dancing or walking in the sunset with a warm breeze… I fell in love with the city, the job, the culture, the language.. and even a little bit with myself..
Being back there now, 11 years later, brought back all those memories but also added a new love for the city. For instance I went for a great run along the river really early in the morning. I wouldn’t even have considered doing that 11 years ago!
In between work meetings, I got offered a job to go back there but for a longer time, as a grown up. I was flattered and excited. So excited that for a minute I forgot about everything. Not my husband, I even had a sort of a plan for him. But I forgot about the childlessness and the sadness. For just a tiny moment felt light, free of worries and found myself day dreaming about moving back there.
Then I remembered. We cannot move because we would have to restart the adoption procedure there. We need to stay here to wait for our adopted baby. I remembered that my parents are getting old and that moving even further will make it hard for me to go see them. And I though about the fact that moving to a place far from clinics will make it even more difficult to try IVF again, especially since we’d likely rely on my salary only.
Oh well, it was nice to day dream for a moment. I’m back home now. Another beautiful sunny day reminds me that life here isn’t too bad after all..