For a moment I forgot

I just came back from a lovely work trip. I was sent to the same city and company where I had worked on an internship 11 years ago. 11 years… just typing that makes me feel old! I loved that internship and that stay abroad! I found out so much about myself, what I love, what I am like when I’m alone, how much I love dancing or walking in the sunset with a warm breeze… I fell in love with the city, the job, the culture, the language.. and even a little bit with myself..

Being back there now, 11 years later, brought back all those memories but also added a new love for the city. For instance I went for a great run along the river really early in the morning. I wouldn’t even have considered doing that 11 years ago!

In between work meetings, I got offered a job to go back there but for a longer time, as a grown up. I was flattered and excited. So excited that for a minute I forgot about everything. Not my husband, I even had a sort of a plan for him. But I forgot about the childlessness and the sadness. For just a tiny moment felt light, free of worries and found myself day dreaming about moving back there.

Then I remembered. We cannot move because we would have to restart the adoption procedure there. We need to stay here to wait for our adopted baby. I remembered that my parents are getting old and that moving even further will make it hard for me to go see them. And I though about the fact that moving to a place far from clinics will make it even more difficult to try IVF again, especially since we’d likely rely on my salary only.

Oh well, it was nice to day dream for a moment. I’m back home now. Another beautiful sunny day reminds me that life here isn’t too bad after all..

This entry was posted in Adoption, Infertility, life and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to For a moment I forgot

  1. damelapin says:

    Does staying where you are is making you sad? Because if so, you may evaluate this opportunity. Or did you say no?

  2. kiftsgate says:

    I don’t think staying here is making me sad but – if all else were equal – I think I would be happier there. But the two places are not equal.. For instance I know my husband would likely be unemployed and thus not happy. All considered, I’d rather be here. I guess marriage and growing up are a lot about compromising…

  3. Kitten says:

    These things get complicated, don’t they? We have our priorities, things we’re willing to compromise, things we aren’t. It’s all about finding the right balance.

  4. Holly E says:

    I bet it’s hard to turn down such an amazing opportunity. Sorry things aren’t lining up like they should be for you!

  5. E v e l y n says:

    I’m not sure deciding on opportunities ever gets easier because there is always a barrier, but I think taking infertility out of the mix might make them a little easier. Congrats on being offered a job, that is really fantastic.

  6. I wish things could work well and faster for you (IVF, adoption, …), so maybe you could consider going to that place later with your family (who knows?). Maybe this job offer could happen again. But I understand you want to stay close to your parents. My husband worries sometimes about his parents in France. It is difficult for him to think about the time when they will need more care… distance will make things complicated…

    • kiftsgate says:

      I understand your husband. that’s an even bigger distance.. I also wish things could work faster.. but that’s not part of the rules of the game I guess.. xx

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