I finally got confirmation that I can go ahead with my 4th fresh IVF cycle. I’m so excited!!! My excitement is like a normal IVF excitement to the power of all the months I’ve been waiting, multiplied by the amount of effort spent in planning this IVF and trying all possible things to increase chances of success. That makes A LOT of excitement!
Yet nothing is straightforward in the world of IVF and my excitement is mixed with being a bit stressed: lots of work-IVF juggling ahead and some questions on the new treatment plan, mostly due to the fact that I don’t really know the protocol yet. Of course, I am also very scared that this cycle may not work either. With a massive amount of good news around me in real and virtual life, I can’t help feeling that the universe has extinguished its quota of BFPs and that I’ll be left out. Go rational and scientific thinking!
Like for every IVF cycle (see IVF#3), I try to convince myself that things are different and better, so as to find some optimism. Here is my list for IVF#4:
- TEAM – I have a new gynecologist, who is at least in theory better than the old one (the old one was already very good) and has the advantage of working 5 minutes from my office, which greatly reduces the stress of monitoring appointments. I also have a new acupuncturist, who, unlike the old one, is really specialised in fertility issues. I have also gone to see an osteopath, who has apparently managed to relax my over-tense uterus (yeah, whatever… you never know…). I have gone to see a new endocrinologist who has checked all sorts of things and given me a diet. Finally, the new embryologist seems to be more proactive and will have me do a fancy egg biopsy.
- BODY – I have been taking tons of supplements, including for vitamin D and iron, which had not been tested before. I have been on a low GI diet for months (except a packet of gummy bears after the IVF cycle was cancelled last month). I have been doing sports, but less heavily and more often than last year. I have perfect BMI, which has been constant for months now, and TSH levels. I also feel generally ok these days, mostly thanks to my mum who came to spoil me. Hubby has also improved lifestyle and now has much better results, which may help.
- MIND – I have done a lot of work to prepare for this IVF cycle on the psychological level. Nevertheless, I still find myself having trust issues. After 3 failed cycles, my trust in miracle medicine has gone down. This became obvious today when I kept asking panicky questions to the gynecologist while he was writing me prescriptions for the drugs. Seriously, can I just let him do his job?? I am also not sure I trust my body to get pregnant and carry a child yet. After so many deceptions it’s hard to believe that I can actually do this, especially since without a menstrual cycle I have a constant reminder that my body doesn’t work properly. The osteopath I went to see did make me think a bit better of my body by underlying its strengths and all it’s allowed me to do: travelling, carrying heavy suitcases, sports, long and heavy work days, stress, overnighters… I have also tried to picture myself being pregnant for the first time. What the mind can do the body can do? I think this will cost me a lot if this cycle fails, but I’ll think about that later.
All in all, there is one thing that makes me feel good about this cycle: I could not have done anything more or better and I don’t regret my choices.
– 7 days to stim starting day!!! Yuppy!!!