The IVF fight, in my husband’s words…

I read a lot about super-husbands who bring flowers, have nice attentions during treatments, cook dinner or come along to appointments so that they can be there with you.

My hubby isn’t of that kind. He’s more of the kind to complain when I go to sleep too early as it means he can’t read, to watch football instead of making dinner or to go out and come back late the night before IVF. He is also the kind to kill my enthusiasm about finally starting IVF with a fight that shouldn’t have taken place. No better start to an IVF cycle than fighting, hear your husband say he doesn’t want to do IVF anymore, and end up sleeping in separate places.

But my husband is also the kind to make me cry when decides to opens up. Here, in my husband’s words:

“I’m sorry about yesterday. I’m sorry I didn’t share your enthusiasm about starting IVF. I would have been really upset had we been unable to start, but I had given it for granted, forgetting that nothing is ever sure and that you spend a lot of time in appointments I don’t go to.

I also want to believe that this time it may work. I want to have a baby with you and I will be really sad if it doesn’t work but I will not give up.

I like this song (see below). I think we can say that we did it all. We’ll do what we can do, surely with some not-so-good moments since human perfection does not exist, but I find we’ve already done a lot and that we can be proud of.”


He can be impossible but I wouldn’t want anyone else.

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22 Responses to The IVF fight, in my husband’s words…

  1. Husbands: can’t live with them, can’t make a baby without them, can’t kill them (without doing serious time in prison and thus ruining any chance of motherhood). *Sigh* XO

  2. Thank you for opening up in this honest and heartfelt post. I do know what it’s like to have a husband who is more similar to yours than the ones you described in the beginning of your post. Mine has come a long way after many months of couples therapy, but I definitely commiserate. We’re such suckers for those moments when they show their soft sides, aren’t we? Sometimes we forget that TTC is hard on them in a way as well (though no comparison with what we go through!) Wishing you a successful IVF cycle and a healthy take home baby!

    • kiftsgate says:

      My husband has greatly improved too from IVF1. He’s a lot better now. But sometimes he goes back to his initial state…
      I am a total sucker from these moments!!
      Thanks a lot for the wishes!!

  3. My Journey says:

    Sometimes men get it and sometimes they don’t. I’m still trying to be okay with the times my husband doesn’t get it.

    • kiftsgate says:

      Very true. Sometimes they just don’t get it. Or they get it but they don’t show it.. that’s why I’m so happy when he shows we’re together in this..

  4. Isabelle says:

    Glad that he came back and apologized. This journey is so tough for any couple.

  5. My OH has been less than helpful through the IVF process. I’m still waiting for his light-bulb moment and lovely apology…. I may be waiting a while!

  6. Bounty Caramel says:

    That’s so touching. I love this song too. Don’t give up and be proud as he say. And HOPE !

  7. damelapin says:

    How to improve a hubby: do IVF 😉 His words are really, really nice.

  8. Those moments of conflict around IVF time are really tough, my husband and I have been there, as I’m sure many couples going through IVF have. I’m so glad your husband was able to say “I’m sorry” and in such a sweet and thoughtful way (with a great song choice). It’s amazing how difficult saying sorry can be and also how much healing that simple phrase can do. I was listening to Tracy Chapman’s “Baby Can I Hold You” the other day and thinking about just this (and how much work my husband has even if he’s made a lot of progress ;-). And it’s probably healthy that you two managed to release the tension just before the cycle rather than when you’re in the thick of it all.

  9. Manuela says:

    Thanks for sharing such a good thought, paragraph is pleasant, thats why i have read it completely

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