Whoever says “just adopt” has not read the statistics!

We have received the first response from one of the international adoption agencies. It says something like: we have attentively analysed your dossier, and, given the current situation of international adoption, we regret to inform you that we will not be able to accompany you in your project. Our first answer is a no. I know… it’s only one answer.

But tonight we got more depressing news. We just spent our Friday evening at an adoption meeting (yes, since we do not have kids we have a super night life!). In particular this was a presentation of the national adoption agency, which is one of the possibilities to adopt internationally in here (there are three ways to adopt internationally here: adoption agencies, individual adoptions and the national adoption agency).

The lady from the agency gave a brilliant presentation and tried her best to deliver depressive statistics in an encouraging way. Still, the situation is really difficult. I now much better understand the statistics I was telling you the other day: only 1 in ten couples who received the permission to adopt actually manages to adopt. There are so many issues in international adoption that so many do not manage or are obliged to give up along the way.

According to what we heard tonight, we are not allowed to adopt in any of the countries managed by this agency. I will further check online of course, but it doesn’t look good. Again, I’m not giving up. Not at all. But I will certainly be even more able to explain why there is no such thing as “just adopt”.

Everyday is a winding road!


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31 Responses to Whoever says “just adopt” has not read the statistics!

  1. Why can’t you adopt in those countries? You don’t meet certain criteria? This is frustrating! XO

    • kiftsgate says:

      Most countries only give grown up kids (older than 6 or 7) but since we are relatively young in the world of adoption (33) we were recommended to ask for a young baby (younger than 3). That is now making it basically impossible to adopt internationally. We can ask for an extension but not just yet, maybe next year.
      In other countries we don’t meet the criteria (e.g. not married long enough or not house owners).
      We’ll carry on trying but that was a bit depressing..

  2. Oh my darling. Just Oh. This is fucking heartbreaking…I’ve had enough of this for us all! Xxxx

  3. Ria says:

    So sorry this road is so long. I hope and pray that you’ll get good news soon and a baby sooner than expected. Another period of waiting–does it ever end? Thinking if you!

  4. Elisha says:

    Oh so sorry girl! I can’t imagine your frustrations! I am believing that doors will open for you that no man can shut.

  5. allison2206 says:

    Wow, I need it was complicated indeed but when they make it seem almost impossible, it’s hard to continue to believe. Generally the fact of being young is presented as an advantage in the process, it’s weird that it’s the thing complicating it with the AFA. I hope other OAA answers will be positive! We’ll participate in our first meeting in June before applying for the agreement.

    • allison2206 says:

      I “knew” it was complicated…

    • kiftsgate says:

      Yes being young (adoptive parents) is an advantage, but wanting a young child or a baby is not. There are hardly any countries that give children younger than 5 for adoption.
      Woow you have a busy month starting IVF and adoption! Good luck with your first meeting! xx

  6. If I have learned one thing, it’s that this journey is never simple. I’m still hoping your FET is successful and you don’t have to adopt your first child. x

    • kiftsgate says:

      You are so right. nothing is ever simple in this journey.. I also hope that the FET will work.. really hope that something will work at some point!! xx

  7. damelapin says:

    Oh god it´s really not simple…

  8. barrenbetty says:

    Urgh, this is so frustrating and so complicated 😦 I’m not surprised you were depressed after that. I can’t believe how difficult the adoption process has been for you so far, it’s ridiculous. Sending you lots of love… And a punch on the nose to anyone who says “just adopt” !!! xxx

  9. “just adopt” is bullshit. I read so many stories just like this and it’s a hard fight. I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this.

  10. Isabelle says:

    This is so dizzying to even think about. I’m sorry there is a roadblock. I too am hoping that your FET is it for your first child. Hoping with you, girl.

    • kiftsgate says:

      Today we also received another negative response.. this really doesn’t look good… i now hope even more that the FET will work.. Thanks a lot lovely!

  11. Little Wife says:

    It is all so depressing… I really hope you have a good surprise soon. ❤

  12. E v e l y n says:

    I think tv and movies present it, and infertility treatments, as a sure thing. I really think both things have a lot to do with luck and good timing.

    You’re really quite positive and I’ll bet it’s hard to stay that way so I’m hoping you hear some positive news or statistics soon.

    • kiftsgate says:

      yep, still trying to stay positive! Maybe adoption is easier elsewhere… but i don’t think it is in a few other countries I know of, including Canada.. Thanks for hoping for us! xx

  13. Stefanie says:

    I’m very sorry you’re getting some crappy news upfront. Let’s have faith though! My older sister adopted twice, newborns from the hospital each time. Not internationally, as they felt they couldn’t afford such, although I’m not sure it’s any less expensive locally… I’ll be praying for you.

  14. Pingback: Today I hope

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