The beta was 1, which means there wasn’t even a tiny bit of sticking. My uterus is basically a cemetery for embryos.
I really did everything I could to make this cycle work. I feel like I have been on it for about 6 months. I just feel so lost and heartbroken.. This is out 4th attempt at IVF and 5th failure if you count the frozen cycles.
I have nothing to blame myself for but I still have regrets.
I regret having been positive about it. I regret having been fooled into being optimistic by the sickness instead of reading the stupid information leaflet from the start (someone – e.g. the doctor – could have warned me that the patches were going to make me feel nauseous…).
I regret not having warned my family more, especially when I saw them smiling after I was feeling sick (they were really convinced it was morning sickness).
I regret having thought and dreamt of myself pregnant, of spending Christmas at home with a big bump, of telling people, smiling, crying of happiness, thanking my doctor, gong in for a scan, hugging my husband with happy tears… I’m starting to doubt whether any of this will ever come true…
I regret having allowed myself to laugh with my mum and sister about the fact that the baby would have been Pisces had it worked (hubs and I are both Pisces).
I regret being completely unable to wait instead of projecting myself into the future.
I regret having played strong, letting my husband to go away with friends this week-end. I’m not strong and I really wish he had been here with me last night and this morning and I wish he were here now..
I know I’m lucky to have other embies in the freezer. But these were our top-score ones. If they didn’t stick why would the other ones?