And yet another WTF appointment

We call the appointments after a failed IVF cycle WTF appointments but, while the question may be implicit, I am pretty sure nobody goes back to their clinic to ask “so, WTF happened?”. I had my 7th WTF appoitment on Monday and, as usual, I went there in an ok mood, smiled, said I was feeling better, etc. But somehow this time, I actually ended up very closed to seriously asking “WTF?!?!”.

I told the gynecologist that I wanted to do an ovarian drilling. He said ok but then gave me examples of patients that ended up being unable to use their ovaries. It’s good to have information and it made me realise I need more time to think things through. I went on explaining that I feel that part of the problem is that I’m such a hormonal mess due to my PCOs that the embies don’t stick even when they are good ones.

He said the ovaries are not the problem, that it’s the head and the ovaries just execute. Obvious question: what does it mean it’s my head and what can I do to fix it then? Of course he starts talking stress and life style. And here is where I lost it a bit….

I have made massive efforts to avoid stress. I have completely changed my lifestyle (work less, take time to relax, not to mention mediation,  yoga, diet and all the rest..). I didn’t expect this would get me pregnant but that it would at least shorten my periods from three years to a few months… but I have seen no improvement whatsoever.  

When I said this he told me that maybe I wasn’t praying enough then. I have to believe that he was trying to be funny. I surely haven’t prayed enough as I am absolutely not religious. Although a non-religious person I spent a hell of a lot of time lighting up candles in churches and asking for help despite my husband’s puzzled looks.. 

He went on to say I shouldn’t feel guilty about all this and that sometimes there is just no explanation on why things don’t work the way they should. I know that but somehow this discussion left me sad, irritable and with even more doubts on what to do next… all clear signs that I’m not doing too well right now.. it’s crazy how much time it takes to get better… 

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32 Responses to And yet another WTF appointment

  1. Lulu says:

    totally understand your feelings when you hear comments like you are not praying enough, or something about your lifestyle…hang in there! have you thought of adopting? give it some thoughts…sending you positive vibes!

    • kiftsgate says:

      We have obtained the permission to adopt earlier this year but it’s not going very well: the situation for international adoption is very difficult right now and there is a 7-year wait for domestic adoption.

  2. Wow. Just. WOW. I had an RE tell me I obviously wasn’t praying enough. Sarcastic or not, I no longer see him. That isn’t appropriate at all. Especially given there is no medical backing behind it whatsoever and THAT is what you are seeing him for. Honestly, if I were you, I would run the other direction.

    • kiftsgate says:

      This is why I’m so bummed I think. He’s my 3rd opinion. He was big big choice this year. I like him a lot and think he’s very good. But in between the OHSS and this I’m wondering what to do now…

      • I just have a really hard time with any doctor who tries to tell me relaxation and praying will help me get PG. Relaxing might help my overall health, but praying does jack and shit outside of piss me off. Maybe mention to him that you’d prefer he keep religion out of the discussion and see what happens?

  3. Hey, sorry this guy acted like a jerk–I’m beginning to think *all* RE’s have personality flaws, because the 3 I’ve seen were all jerks. XOXO

    • kiftsgate says:

      I don’t think he’s a jerk but I did find it a bit out of place and tactless. I agree with you, I had issues with all 3 REs especially the first who told me: glad it hasnt worked since you have OHSS..

  4. Stefanie says:

    I’m so sorry, those comments were not very professional of your RE. Do you have other options to get another opinion? I mean, I know that’s a hassle since you’ve already gotten three, but still, your doctor shouldn’t be making those comments to you.

  5. allison2206 says:

    I totally understand your disappointment with the lack of answers and his comments about your lifestyle. If you wan’t to get another opinion, I’m pretty happy with my doc, except she’s not always super available…Sending you lots and lots of thoughts and hugs!

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thanks. I think of I were to change I would go back to my old doctor. I find that every time I change I start almost from scratch and don’t want to do that again.. hope you are doing ok. xx

  6. Isabelle says:

    I hate the blame-the-victim kind of mentality. When I told my friend about the chemical pregnancy, she didn’t say I’m so sorry. She asked if I moved around too much after the transfer. What the heck. I’m so sorry that the doctor wasn’t more sensitive. It’s frustrating knowing that you’ve done everything that you could. 😦

  7. Elisha says:

    Oh wow! So so sorry girl!

  8. This is so hard to read… I cannot tell you how many times I have sat before my RE and thought, “really? are you really saying that? do you truly not have anything more intelligent or insightful to say to me…?” I know we need to have faith in our medical support but sometimes they make it very hard… I am sorry there are so many mysteries in infertility for us all. Don’t loose hope girl… and as isolating as it may feel, please know that you are not alone. Heaps of hugs.

  9. Oh lady, my heart hurts for you. None of this is in any way your fault. Remind me, do you have any frozen? It may be something as simple as chromosomally abnormal embryos, and it’s just a matter of time before you find the one. Regadless, you deserve compassionate care. I hope you start getting it. xo

    • kiftsgate says:

      Thanks. I do have frosties, which is why for now I’ll certainly stick to the same doctor. We’ll see later how nice he is when he maybe feel less pressure to say something nice and ends up saying something annoying… xx

  10. Dani says:

    Uggg…I’m so sorry.

  11. WOW. As a nonreligious person, that comment would have pissed me the hell off. I wouldn’t see him anymore. 😦 I’m sorry he said such things to you. ❤

  12. E v e l y n says:

    This is the sort of conversation that a doctor shouldn’t have with a patient. It sounds like blaming the victim. And if you didn’t pray or relax enough then how on earth does a drug addicted or abused woman get pregnant. Why didn’t he just say he doesn’t know right off the bat.

  13. Seriously ? I’m so painful about what happen. Did you respond to him? or latter maybe ? Stress and life style ?!?!!! No way. Every doctors have seen this month said the same crazy stuff… and you know the end, I say that’s bullshit. No stress and better life style help to support PMA, not to have a baby. Kiss

    • kiftsgate says:

      I did say that stress management did not help at all in my case. I thought it would but it didn’t. I don’t think it’s bullshit but I don’t think it’s the answer to my problem either. I wish I knew what to do..

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