Infertility coming out at work (part 2)

I had my frozen transfer earlier this week: two day-2 embies transferred with no issues. Since the transfer I have been feeling very tired, stressed and emotional. I feel nauseous (due either to the patches or progesterone) and have nightmares at night (apparently because I’m taking steroids). So I’m really not in my best shape. The kitty waking me up in the middle of the night is not helping either.

I have done a lot of thinking lately and, since after 3 years of IVFing my situation is becoming more obvious at work, I decided to tell the big boss about it. A few months ago I had to tell my line manager. I hadn’t planned to but had to justify myself after crying in his office: he brought up my (nonexistent) pregnancy during my performance reviews and I couldn’t avoid crying as I had just had bad news. This time it just came from me. I’m not sure why all of a sudden it became so necessary for me to tell him. I guess I have been worried about absences and lower performance at work.

Anyways, today I went to see him and told him broadly what has been going on. I tried my best to avoid being emotional but didn’t manage and ended up having to talk slowly while holding back tears (yey me, that’s professional). He wasn’t just supportive and reassuring but also really adorable.

He told me I shouldn’t worry about the absences, that if I need to I can do more tele work too. He said not to worry about my performance either, that I have been doing a great job. He did also say that he had been worried about me and wanting to ask, but thought that it was better if it came from me (definitely!). This made me realise that it is obvious to other people that I am not doing well. I really need to do a better job at looking alright at work.

I don’t know why but I’m being very emotional about this, crying as I write.. I’m touched, relieved and grateful to have such a kind boss. Maybe it would have been better to talk to him when I was off drugs and less exhausted from months of treatments. But maybe I needed this now. In any case, it’s done and I’m happy I did it.


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29 Responses to Infertility coming out at work (part 2)

  1. What a relief! Your boss sounds awesome. Best wishes! XO

  2. E v e l y n says:

    I think you needed to talk to him because the time was right. It sounds like it went well and I’m happy for you that it did.

  3. Lisette says:

    I keep thinking of you even if i don’t write much. I am happy this talk was human and helpful… Take care…

  4. Elisha says:

    yay! So happy and excited for you! I bet it feels like a huge weight has been lifted 🙂

  5. damelapin says:

    Wow, a great reaction!

  6. allison2206 says:

    I’m so happy for you he reacted that way! I’m sure it’s the same for me at work; me thinking people don’t see anything when they really wonder what’s going on… And it’s reassuring that they’re happy with your job, you don’t have to feel guilty (at least try nnot to 😉 the days when you’re not able to give 100%

    • kiftsgate says:

      He was really reassuring. At the same time I also feel more motivated now to pull myself together and do a better job in a better mood. But first I want to go on holidays!!!! 😉
      Hope you’re getting better. xx

  7. lailalailo says:

    fingers crossed !

  8. babydusted says:

    That has got to be a huge relief! I haven’t mentioned anything to anyone about it except my one employee since she would obviously wonder why I was missing work so much. But I haven’t figured how to bring it up with my mom and family for some weird reason. I told them about the IUI’s last year….but IVF I’ve kept a secret.

  9. jesselyn6585 says:

    This is wonderful! I’m so glad you work in an environment full of caring people. It’s amazing what it does when you have that support. It’s also nice to be able to be honest and less secrective. I’m so happy about this.

  10. I’m so glad you are getting good support at work. It’s so hard to try and balance life when you are going through infertility, and you need as much empathy as you can get. Praying hard for you lady!! xoxo

  11. gsmwc02 says:

    This is great that you’re getting support at work. It’s important that you have a supportive work environment during a challenging time like this. Best wishes.

  12. Dani says:

    So glad that he saw your heart and responded in kind fashion.

    What a blessing. Truly.


  13. That’s great! You are so brave for telling him! We are still in the early stages of IF, and I’m not even comfortable telling some of my family members. I can only hope I have half the courage you do when the time comes!

  14. Weylin says:

    Amen! I don’t know if this is the same for you, but all of the bosses I’ve ever had at work are male. They’ve responded in different ways- one was soo eager to have the conversation Done and the other was curious almost, and immediately (at least superficially, who knows what does go into performance reviews;P) reassuring. It can be such a hard conversation to have because part of me was still screaming “but I don’t need to say this outloud! I can get pregnant, I was meant to be telling him to make plans because I am expecting”, although clearly, I did need to have that conversation and yes, same, realized that people in the office All either know, or have some idea that things aren’t going well.

    One colleague found my blog (dum dum daah) and he was the sweetest. He told me directly that he’d found it and asked me if it bothered me that he or the others talked about their kids and that he would do it less (I told him I was ok with kids, not so good with pregnancies). That made me feel, somehow, maybe because it was so unexpected but genuine, more taken care of then the talks with my bosses.

    • kiftsgate says:

      I’ve also always had male bosses, not all with the same attitude though.. your colleague sounds nice, it’s good to have people who understand around us.. i found support where i least expected it in this mad journey..

  15. Pingback: Telling the outside world | Today I hope

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