I had my frozen transfer earlier this week: two day-2 embies transferred with no issues. Since the transfer I have been feeling very tired, stressed and emotional. I feel nauseous (due either to the patches or progesterone) and have nightmares at night (apparently because I’m taking steroids). So I’m really not in my best shape. The kitty waking me up in the middle of the night is not helping either.
I have done a lot of thinking lately and, since after 3 years of IVFing my situation is becoming more obvious at work, I decided to tell the big boss about it. A few months ago I had to tell my line manager. I hadn’t planned to but had to justify myself after crying in his office: he brought up my (nonexistent) pregnancy during my performance reviews and I couldn’t avoid crying as I had just had bad news. This time it just came from me. I’m not sure why all of a sudden it became so necessary for me to tell him. I guess I have been worried about absences and lower performance at work.
Anyways, today I went to see him and told him broadly what has been going on. I tried my best to avoid being emotional but didn’t manage and ended up having to talk slowly while holding back tears (yey me, that’s professional). He wasn’t just supportive and reassuring but also really adorable.
He told me I shouldn’t worry about the absences, that if I need to I can do more tele work too. He said not to worry about my performance either, that I have been doing a great job. He did also say that he had been worried about me and wanting to ask, but thought that it was better if it came from me (definitely!). This made me realise that it is obvious to other people that I am not doing well. I really need to do a better job at looking alright at work.
I don’t know why but I’m being very emotional about this, crying as I write.. I’m touched, relieved and grateful to have such a kind boss. Maybe it would have been better to talk to him when I was off drugs and less exhausted from months of treatments. But maybe I needed this now. In any case, it’s done and I’m happy I did it.