My BFN and I are off to Japan

I was supposed to test tomorrow but since I’m catching a flight to Japan tonight I decided it would be safer to get at least an idea of whether I should pack tampons or drugs.

My beta was 1.

I will pack tampons.

You know how I started this cycle in pure pessimism? Well, that only lasted about a week, then my super sore boobs made me believe that there was some hope. Except I started doubting of having any chances in the last couple of days when my boobs were not sore anymore and I started having period pains.

The truth is that all this is nothing more than a lot of shit that goes on in my head because there has probably been absolutely nothing going on down there.

This is unexpectedly probably the worst heartbreak I have ever had. Pessimism doesn’t work any better than optimism. But I need to pull myself together and go pack my stuff so I don’t miss my fight. I need to find the strength to present at this conference which is way too high level for me and my current state of mind. And I need to survive today and the next 5 days without getting a hug from my husband.

I will probably be offline for the next weeks. I know lots of people are cycling or have big days coming up. I wish you all loads of luck and success! Sorry I won’t be around.

To the ones who like me will just take the rest of the summer to recover and try to have fun, I hope we’ll all feel better at the end of the summer. I’ll think of you so I feel less lonely while I drink like an alcoholic on the flight tonight.

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17 Responses to My BFN and I are off to Japan

  1. barrenbetty says:

    I know I’ve already said this, but I’m so sorry. The mental rollercoaster of the 2WW is awful, no matter how much you try to ignore it, it’s impossible not to get some hope up or symptom watch. I hope the conference isn’t too stressful and you can enjoy a lovely holiday afterwards. Bring on the champagne and cocktails xxx

  2. Elisha says:

    I am so sorry Hun! I am hoping the conference goes well! I am sending you some virtual hugs! Xoxo

  3. Hey, FWIW, I’m really bummed for you and hope the conference goes well & you feel better soon. XOXO

  4. damelapin says:

    Life can be a b*tch 😦 i’m sorry for you, and hope Japan will somehow change your mind a bit. Xxx

  5. Merde. So sorry about this issue. So painful, I can’t imagine. XoXo

  6. Kitten says:

    I’m sorry, sweetie. I hope you have a good trip.

  7. Isabelle says:

    *Sigh* I am so sorry girl. This journey is so tough. 😦 I hope you have a good time in Japan. ❤

  8. julys974 says:

    Life is a bitch… So sorry… ❤ I wish you all the best for these holidays and for the future.

  9. NO! Thinking of you, and I hope you can enjoy your trip to Japan.

  10. Smile says:

    Oh honey. Fuck. I am so, so, sorry. Wish I was there with you to drink all the alcohol. Will be thinking of you.

  11. I’m so sick of this fucking horrible game. Sending so many hugs xx

  12. Dani says:

    I will be thinking of you and sending my hugs all the way to Japan.


  13. I am so, so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to ease the pain. Please do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. Wishing you comfort and kindness.

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