As we recently passed the 12 week cap and reached the end of the first trimester, we started breaking the news to friends, family and colleagues.
Everyone has been really enthusiastic. My colleague who had her baby at 42 after 6 IVF rounds even cried when I told her. As for my bosses, knowing about IVF, they have been super nice, with no mention of work issues. My big boss could seriously win a prize for his enthusiasm.
Telling people has also lead me to uncover our journey to a few more people and to find that more people have had problems with infertility. The Director of the department where I work told me that it took him and his wife five years to have their son. And when I told my old PhD supervisor, he answered with this:
“You actually have lots of company—many more people go through this than the uninitiated realize. Nobody talks about it, which is kind of a shame given that it creates a needless stigma. It took my wife and I 3 tries to get our son.”
As for family and friends, they have been super enthusiastic though often surprised since we hadn’t talked much about IVF lately. We did of course get a few classic remarks:
- “See, you just needed to wait / be patient!”
[You are totally right, waiting for things to magically work out is exactly what have been doing in the last years..]
- “I knew it would work!”
[My bad, I should have trusted your ability to read the future.]
- “I’m sure it worked because you had let go / given up / relaxed”.
[I wish I could let this one go, but just feel I have to explain.. I don’t know why it worked this round. It may have been because it was our first blastocyst or the meds we used but it was surely not because I was relaxed or not thinking about it..]
Telling people has also made me feel a bit nervous. I fear having to call them all back to tell them that things didn’t work out. But my husband is so enthusiastic that I don’t want to spoil it for him with my fears. So I’m just letting him talk, and hoping that it will all go well.