Telling the outside world

As we recently passed the 12 week cap and reached the end of the first trimester, we started breaking the news to friends, family and colleagues.


Everyone has been really enthusiastic. My colleague who had her baby at 42 after 6 IVF rounds even cried when I told her. As for my bosses, knowing about IVF, they have been super nice, with no mention of work issues. My big boss could seriously win a prize for his enthusiasm.

Telling people has also lead me to uncover our journey to a few more people and to find that more people have had problems with infertility. The Director of the department where I work told me that it took him and his wife five years to have their son. And when I told my old PhD supervisor, he answered with this:

“You actually have lots of company—many more people go through this than the uninitiated realize. Nobody talks about it, which is kind of a shame given that it creates a needless stigma. It took my wife and I 3 tries to get our son.”

As for family and friends, they have been super enthusiastic though often surprised since we hadn’t talked much about IVF lately. We did of course get a few classic remarks:

  • “See, you just needed to wait / be patient!” 
    [You are totally right, waiting for things to magically work out is exactly what have been doing in the last years..]
  • “I knew it would work!”
    [My bad, I should have trusted your ability to read the future.]
  • “I’m sure it worked because you had let go / given up / relaxed”.
    [I wish I could let this one go, but just feel I have to explain.. I don’t know why it worked this round. It may have been because it was our first blastocyst or the meds we used but it was surely not because I was relaxed or not thinking about it..]

Telling people has also made me feel a bit nervous. I fear having to call them all back to tell them that things didn’t work out. But my husband is so enthusiastic that I don’t want to spoil it for him with my fears. So I’m just letting him talk, and hoping that it will all go well.

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17 Responses to Telling the outside world

  1. Happy for you to go public with this blessed news, even if I intimately understand and have been though the same feelings of feeling some degree of joy when telling people about the pregnancy but also fighting back big worries that I might have to go back and tell them that it didnt work out afterall… The scars we bare from our years of infertility run deep. At nearly 29 weeks I still worry that something will go terribly wrong before I make it to full-term birth… its exhausting but I continue to share with people who understand, it does help, and with each passing week my confidence continues to grow… Again, just so happy for you!!

  2. C.L. says:

    lol, I just love the “I knew it would work!” comments, all from people thinking we just got pregnant naturally. I always tell them “Yeah we were a bit more optimistic too- once we signed up for the IVF.”

    • kiftsgate says:

      Sometimes I feel like telling people what they want to hear, like how we went on holidays to some desert island and came back pregnant. Just to see if they would be more satisfied.. But it’s not our story…

      • C.L. says:

        Wouldn’t that be a beautiful story? We actually tried the vacation thing. Didn’t work. Trips to Hawaii…trip to Paris…every time I was hoping to have some amazing conception story come out of it! But while the doctor’s office on the 3rd floor is not the romantic background I’d hoped for, it sure is a story, lol.

  3. barrenbetty says:

    Yay for being able to tell people!! I think saying it out loud and telling people makes it a bit more real which also makes it a bit more scary when it has been so difficult to get to this point. Hopefully it won’t be too long until you can relax a bit more.

    And I hate those stupid comments! It must be universal because I’ve heard them all too!!! Also, “I told you it would work” is the most annoying comment ever! It’s amazing they knew it would be 4th cycle lucky for me. Wish they’d bloody told me that at the start so I didn’t waste all my energy fretting all these years.

  4. Ughhhh “I knew it would work in the end”…accompanied with a smug smile like they had something to do with it?!!! And don’t even get me started with the “relaxing”!
    Totally understand the nervous feeling after you say it out loud, and know how hard it is to just enjoy it. . I only started doing so after 20 wks! Hope so much you can enjoy it sooner xx

  5. Dani says:

    Keeping you in thoughts and prayers. Best to you and the Little.

    May you bloom,

  6. Isabelle says:

    So many people experience infertility but so few people talk about it. I myself included, especially in my work place. I am so happy for you that you are 12 weeks and feel comfortable to share with people. I have faith for you that things will continue to go well. ❤

    • kiftsgate says:

      It’s ok not to talk about if we don’t feel like it. Especially at work where things can get complicated. But I do wish we had some way to recognize each other so we would feel less lonely. Thanks for the lovely comment and for the faith. xx

  7. Boxing day belatedly, just wanted to say I loved this post. The misplaced comments never stop but I know I’ve made a few in my time too! Hope you’re having a lovely break in the South of France. Happy holidays. Jessica x

  8. Edith says:

    You know it worked because you are now able to adopt 😉
    must be why it is not working for us lol
    (Kidding , of course. You know how much I get upset with that kind of sayings)

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