Role reversal?

A couple of weeks ago I went to my first mid-wife appointment. There were 4 of us there: one very grumpy lady pregnant with her 2nd child, one slightly older lady with a very complicated pregnancy and one younger lady. We were all asked how we were feeling and how the pregnancy was going. I answered that I had a healthy pregnancy and that I was generally feeling well. When it was her turn, the younger girl said that she didn’t have any health issue but that she was really struggling with pregnancy symptoms. She said – giving me a nasty look – that she also felt bad because around her everyone else loved being pregnant.

That was really weird for me! It made me wonder if, after looking at other women with easier journeys towards pregnancy with varying degrees of jealousy, I have now become the nightmare of many pregnant women: the one who loves being pregnant! Not that I spend my time telling everyone how awesome it is to be pregnant, but if asked I usually just say that all is well…

Besides initial bleeding episodes I am extremely lucky to have avoided other issues so far (hope I’m not jinxing myself..). And I guess years of dreaming of a baby make it really easy for me to feel that annoying symptoms are a small price to pay for the massive chance I have. I haven’t been immune to pregnancy symptoms but my mind keeps making it all relative to IVF:

  • Morning sickness? After having it every time I had to take estrogen patches (that is a month each time I had a FET), it was good to finally have it for a good reason!
  • Bloated? Not nearly as bad as OHSS!
  • Food restrictions? A lot less traumatic than giving up sugar 2 years ago!
  • Tired? The levels of tiredness of my body were and still are impressive but I still found it easier compared to the combination of body and mind tiredness that a failed IVF or a miscarriage can lead to.
  • Anxious? Scared? Yes, I am bloody scared and I often have nightmares that this may all be taken away. But I am getting a chance at this and that’s a lot more than I had in the previous four years..

I can see how me saying I was doing well may have made the young lady believe that I am luckier than her. But I am also pretty sure she wouldn’t swap with me if she knew the whole story. Because, while I am well aware of how lucky I am now, it was hard to get here. She doesn’t know that and probably hasn’t even thought of it. But I do.

I am thankful every day for what I have, and even more so this week: the second semester scan showed all is still going well! Oh, and it’s a girl!


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22 Responses to Role reversal?

  1. Isabelle says:

    AWW I’m so happy for you that your pregnancy is going so well! We don’t ever know what other people have gone through. It is quite weird to be in that position to be the object of envy after struggling so much to get there. It’s good for a change. I love how well you’re doing, friend! And congrats on the little girl! How far along are you now?

  2. damelapin says:

    Yeaaaah!!! Well good for you if your pregnancy is going well! It’s not like you’ve fallen pregnant as soon as you dropped the pill AND you were all butterflies like some women I know. You’ve had your share of pain, and as you say it so well, comparing to all we’ve been through with IVF… It’s like when people take pity of me with my Lovenox injections – well it’s not like I’ve had injections for more than a year so it’s a good cause 😉

    • kiftsgate says:

      Yes and I know I am very lucky to be able to at least now enjoy my pregnancy. I have seen so many IVF buddies struggle (OHSS, drugs, months in bed, in hospital, crises of all kind…) that I know I’m lucky. But as you say, we’re all so lucky to have got so far in the first place.. xx

  3. C.L. says:

    I’m with you on suddenly being on the other side- all is going smooth and people keep telling me how great and glowing I look pregnant. It’s really weird. I am enjoying soaking it in though since I know it can change in a heartbeat. And I still have this terrible anxiety behind my glowing exterior. But I agree that we do appreciate it in a different way after having to try so hard, and have usually already suffered so much before even getting pregnant that the pregnancy symptoms and things just don’t seem as bad. You mean I’m not giving myself shots in the belly 3 times a day but I have swollen feet and heartburn? Hooray!

    • kiftsgate says:

      Exactly my point! It’s like when I’m asked if I miss alcohol or stuff like that. I gave that up for months at every IVF round. I really couldn’t care less..

  4. Yay! A baby GIRL! So glad you’re doing well–screw the “fertiles” and their feelings–they will never understand…we CAN’T complain as long as we are pregnant and our baby is healthy…<3 XOXO

  5. I know just what you mean. ..I bloody love being pregnant! Last part of second trimester particularly was amazing, have to say I’m starting to feel more whale like and bloaty/puffy now in 3rd but I still couldn’t give a toss! I guess pregnancy might seem hard if you had sex for 2 or 3 months then got pregs but for us IFers. ..This is a walk in the park and every step brings us closer to our longed for babies xx

    • kiftsgate says:

      Nice analogy. And I do like walking in the park! Second trimester is much nicer for me too. I mean, there are still bad days, like yesterday when I felt sick and had to leave work early. But it’s just a bad day.. all in all I just love this! xx

  6. Ps it’s really weird you have midwife appointments with other people! Do you get to see them in your own at all? What if you have a really embarrassing problem?!

    • barrenbetty says:

      I just thought the same thing! I’ve got a list of stuff to ask mine next time and err, none of it is exactly stuff I want strangers to hear!!!

      • kiftsgate says:

        So, normally in this weird country you see the MW in groups: she’s the one who prepares you for giving birth. Instead we meet with the ob/gyn once a month (individually, of course). He’s the one who checks that all is well and the one to ask private questions to. Which is not great in my case as he’s a grumpy French man and not too easy to talk to..

  7. Congrats on the little girl! That’s amazing!! I think infertility makes all of us a little more understanding and empathetic. I probably wouldn’t have been as graceful as you though. Lol

  8. E v e l y n says:

    I really like your attitude. Oh, and a girl. She’s going to have so much fun with you.

  9. allison2206 says:

    Enjoy every second and don’t feel guilty about enjoying your pregnancy. You’re lucky it’s going well and you’ve for sure had your share and more of pain and health issues. And I’ll have some clothes to give you next time 😉

  10. I’m just catching up on emails and blogs and realised I hadn’t said what I meant to say. IT’S A GIRL! Amazing!!! Lots of love Jessica x

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