A couple of weeks ago I went to my first mid-wife appointment. There were 4 of us there: one very grumpy lady pregnant with her 2nd child, one slightly older lady with a very complicated pregnancy and one younger lady. We were all asked how we were feeling and how the pregnancy was going. I answered that I had a healthy pregnancy and that I was generally feeling well. When it was her turn, the younger girl said that she didn’t have any health issue but that she was really struggling with pregnancy symptoms. She said – giving me a nasty look – that she also felt bad because around her everyone else loved being pregnant.
That was really weird for me! It made me wonder if, after looking at other women with easier journeys towards pregnancy with varying degrees of jealousy, I have now become the nightmare of many pregnant women: the one who loves being pregnant! Not that I spend my time telling everyone how awesome it is to be pregnant, but if asked I usually just say that all is well…
Besides initial bleeding episodes I am extremely lucky to have avoided other issues so far (hope I’m not jinxing myself..). And I guess years of dreaming of a baby make it really easy for me to feel that annoying symptoms are a small price to pay for the massive chance I have. I haven’t been immune to pregnancy symptoms but my mind keeps making it all relative to IVF:
- Morning sickness? After having it every time I had to take estrogen patches (that is a month each time I had a FET), it was good to finally have it for a good reason!
- Bloated? Not nearly as bad as OHSS!
- Food restrictions? A lot less traumatic than giving up sugar 2 years ago!
- Tired? The levels of tiredness of my body were and still are impressive but I still found it easier compared to the combination of body and mind tiredness that a failed IVF or a miscarriage can lead to.
- Anxious? Scared? Yes, I am bloody scared and I often have nightmares that this may all be taken away. But I am getting a chance at this and that’s a lot more than I had in the previous four years..
I can see how me saying I was doing well may have made the young lady believe that I am luckier than her. But I am also pretty sure she wouldn’t swap with me if she knew the whole story. Because, while I am well aware of how lucky I am now, it was hard to get here. She doesn’t know that and probably hasn’t even thought of it. But I do.
I am thankful every day for what I have, and even more so this week: the second semester scan showed all is still going well! Oh, and it’s a girl!