Telling the outside world

As we recently passed the 12 week cap and reached the end of the first trimester, we started breaking the news to friends, family and colleagues.


Everyone has been really enthusiastic. My colleague who had her baby at 42 after 6 IVF rounds even cried when I told her. As for my bosses, knowing about IVF, they have been super nice, with no mention of work issues. My big boss could seriously win a prize for his enthusiasm.

Telling people has also lead me to uncover our journey to a few more people and to find that more people have had problems with infertility. The Director of the department where I work told me that it took him and his wife five years to have their son. And when I told my old PhD supervisor, he answered with this:

“You actually have lots of company—many more people go through this than the uninitiated realize. Nobody talks about it, which is kind of a shame given that it creates a needless stigma. It took my wife and I 3 tries to get our son.”

As for family and friends, they have been super enthusiastic though often surprised since we hadn’t talked much about IVF lately. We did of course get a few classic remarks:

  • “See, you just needed to wait / be patient!” 
    [You are totally right, waiting for things to magically work out is exactly what have been doing in the last years..]
  • “I knew it would work!”
    [My bad, I should have trusted your ability to read the future.]
  • “I’m sure it worked because you had let go / given up / relaxed”.
    [I wish I could let this one go, but just feel I have to explain.. I don’t know why it worked this round. It may have been because it was our first blastocyst or the meds we used but it was surely not because I was relaxed or not thinking about it..]

Telling people has also made me feel a bit nervous. I fear having to call them all back to tell them that things didn’t work out. But my husband is so enthusiastic that I don’t want to spoil it for him with my fears. So I’m just letting him talk, and hoping that it will all go well.

Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , | 14 Comments

Six months of furry love

It’s just over six months since we welcomed our little kitty in our lives. It’s been the best decision ever. It’s always been easy: she’s completely nuts and for the first few months we hardly managed to get any sleep.. but she’s wonderful and a lot of fun!

Life isn’t the same anymore though. She loves to stand in front of the TV, especially when football is on, which I find really funny but my husband not so much.. In the mornings and evenings she loves to go into the sink or shower, slightly complicating showering or brushing teeth. And she loves to climb on anything she can, bite and eat all she finds and sneak into all open bags or boxes. I also found out that there is nothing like an afternoon nap with my little ball of fur.

I wanted to share a few pictures since you were there for her arrival :D

Hope everyone is having a nice week-end!

IMG_20140618_184339 IMG_20140629_131329 IMG_20140830_002610 IMG_20140907_124551 IMG_20140907_132307 IMG_20140910_195957

Posted in life | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

One excellent week!

Yey, it’s finally the weekend!! This has been a very good week, but I’m still happy I get to enjoy my two days off work and commuting!

I had my NT scan yesterday and all is well! Yey!! The doctor scared me when she started the scan saying “that position is bad” and “it doesn’t move” without further explanation. Not quite the same psychological approach as my IVF doctor repeating ten times “tout va bien“. Anyhow, we had a second scan after I had a walk, tried to relax and had a scrumptious slice of carrot cake. At the second scan there was a lot of movement (what a relief!!). All measurements are ok and everything is well!

But other great things happened this week. I had my first public presentation in French, which I had been stressing about for about a month. It went well. It was about the impacts of air pollution on health so I talked about a bunch of things, including fertility. After I presented I had a long discussion some people and one of them asked me if I knew about “PMA” (stands for Assisted Medical Procreation in French). Ahaahah the guy had no idea whom he was talking to….

This week I also finished the last Outlander book. I started the first book before the FET and the books have been accompanying me through a lot! They’ve been an excellent distraction. My sister is seriously convinced that I got pregnant thanks to these books, which – of course – she told me to read! Anyhow I got to the end of the last book and really liked it. I do feel a bit lost on what to read now but I’m sure I’ll find something..

Hope you all have a nice week-end!

Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , , , | 18 Comments


I had a scan this morning and all is well! Thank you Universe, unicorns and anything/anyone else that helped getting us this far!! Thank you! (Also, please continue..).

It was my last scan with our IVF doctor. I have been discharged and I am currently in search of a new doctor. I also have to phase out of drugs within a week. I do hope the embryo will stay there even without the drugs..

I’m 8 weeks and 6 days today. The embryo measures 22 mm, which is perfectly in range for today (Thanks, Doctor BB for verifying!). I hadn’t thought of this but my sister made me think that I got 22 once again! My birthday is 22/2, my first beta was 222 and now we’re ending this initial phase with 22. I like this!

I got quite emotional saying goodbye to the gynecologist. We’ve had our ups and downs but he is the most human and the kindest IVF doctor I have ever met and he’s been great in dealing with me, my never-ending questions and my often-too-high stress levels. It can’t be easy to pick up someone at the 4th IVF round, when you’re so full of doubts and despair that you may explode any minute.. I’ll never thank my friend LittleWife enough for suggesting to go see him and I can only hope that one of his next miracles will be for her!

As I was getting all teary I switched to Italian to thank him and say goodbye in the end (his wife is Italian so he understands and speaks a bit). So he walked us out and simply said “ciao”. I smiled at the idea of ending 10 months of being quite dependent on this man with such a quick and informal word and with a taste of home. I will miss him but I do very much hope that I won’t have to see him for a couple of years or so.


Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , , , , , , | 23 Comments

Tout va bien

I had another appointment to check on my little lazy blast today. It’s still there, the heartbeat is still there and it’s measuring alright. The gynecologist repeated about 5 times “tout va bien”, all is well. I guess someone who works only with people with fertility issues understands the fears and the huge need for reassurance.

I am to go back to see him in about two weeks for another scan and, if all is still well, that’ll be our last appointment with him. I find that both scary and exciting. But I don’t want to think about it too much for now.

Not much else happened this week. I was on sick leave so i have done lots of sleeping,  reading and a little bit of work. My mum was here and spoiled me a lot, cooking yummy stuff and taking care of everything. She left this morning, which means I’m gonna have to go back to cooking our meals. Whoops… Today is also my last day on sick leave.  Time to stop procrastinating!

Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , , , | 23 Comments

A bit of a scare

This morning, like every day, I got on the train, did not find a seat, tried to make sure no one would push me or hit my tummy, got off the train, got on the bus and then headed for a last few minutes walk to work. Except that after getting off the bus I had cramps so bad that I could hardly walk.

As I got to work I went to the ladies’  and realized I was bleeding. Not spotting. Proper red bleeding. I started sobbing and could only tell myself “it’s over”. I have seen this happen so many times through blogs and twitter and yet it was impossible to stay calm. I was so scared I was shaking…

I called my gynecologist but he didn’t answer. I also asked for help on twitter but the main answer was to go to an Emergency Pregnancy Unit (EPU). The problem is that I don’t even know where the EPU or emergencies are in the Paris area, nor whether here it works like in my country where you have to wait for hours and fill in tons of paperwork before you get to see a doctor.

Finally, I managed to get hold of the gynecologist who told me to go see him. He was so nice and it calmed me down immensely to see him. I got a scan done and everything was fine: I saw a sack and a yolk and a heartbeat. Such a relief!

I have to take some extra progesterone, stop baby aspirin, rest and stay off work for a week, which is great especially as it means I can skip the commute. I’ll go back in a week for a check and another scan.

I think this is my punishment for having spent the last few days stressing and wondering how to get an early scan. I guess I had what I wanted somehow but I would have much preferred to skip the bleeding and the worrying..

When I told my husband that all was well he texted “YEEEES!!! Big hug to you both!”. I found it so touching, that he thinks of “us both”. It made me realize that right now, and hopefully for quite a while still, I am two.

Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , , , | 44 Comments

The beta tracking week

It’s almost a week after I got to know that my wee lazy blast decided to stick. The doctor asked me to do a second beta today and I spent the week in full calm and zen, patiently waiting for today’s news.

That’s bullshit, of course! But you knew that…

On Monday morning I had initially decided to follow the doctor’s instructions. I called the acupuncturist to let him know about the results and he started going on and on about how it wasn’t necessarily going to evolve and how lots could still go wrong etc. I knew that already but hearing it got me in enough of a panic mode to go do a second beta over lunch break. I felt better when I saw it had gone up 624 (from 222).

On Tuesday I had decided I didn’t really need to do another beta until Friday. But then on Wednesday morning I woke up at 6 AM with cramps and with no nausea and decided I may as well get up and get a beta done before work. At the lab I was pleasantly surprised to get a waiting ticket numbered H222 to follow up on last week’s numerical coincidences. Beta had gone up to 1457.

Today I went in for the one beta that I was asked to do. It’s now up to 3535.

So that makes it 222-624-1457-3535. This week I realized that I have no idea what should happen when things go in the right direction. So I did a bit of googling (ok, a lot of googling..) and found that these levels as well as the doubling times (around 35hh) are in range. Which makes me cautiously very happy!

No more betas now. Next step is a scan on October 20th.

Before I leave you, I just wanted to thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for all the messages you sent last week. I was really touched. I know I’ve done the same a zillion times in the last years.. I always found the shared happiness and the long flow of messages for someone’s success beautiful. But living it from the other side made me realize even more how wonderful and kind you all are. Really, thank you!


Posted in IsThisOurMiracle? | Tagged , , , | 53 Comments