I had a scan this morning and all is well! Thank you Universe, unicorns and anything/anyone else that helped getting us this far!! Thank you! (Also, please continue..).

It was my last scan with our IVF doctor. I have been discharged and I am currently in search of a new doctor. I also have to phase out of drugs within a week. I do hope the embryo will stay there even without the drugs..

I’m 8 weeks and 6 days today. The embryo measures 22 mm, which is perfectly in range for today (Thanks, Doctor BB for verifying!). I hadn’t thought of this but my sister made me think that I got 22 once again! My birthday is 22/2, my first beta was 222 and now we’re ending this initial phase with 22. I like this!

I got quite emotional saying goodbye to the gynecologist. We’ve had our ups and downs but he is the most human and the kindest IVF doctor I have ever met and he’s been great in dealing with me, my never-ending questions and my often-too-high stress levels. It can’t be easy to pick up someone at the 4th IVF round, when you’re so full of doubts and despair that you may explode any minute.. I’ll never thank my friend LittleWife enough for suggesting to go see him and I can only hope that one of his next miracles will be for her!

As I was getting all teary I switched to Italian to thank him and say goodbye in the end (his wife is Italian so he understands and speaks a bit). So he walked us out and simply said “ciao”. I smiled at the idea of ending 10 months of being quite dependent on this man with such a quick and informal word and with a taste of home. I will miss him but I do very much hope that I won’t have to see him for a couple of years or so.


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Sperm donor seeks you | A fertility gift


Here is a very touching donor offer from a man. It always amazes me when I hear of people offering to donate. I hope this guy will manage to make someone’s dream come true.

Originally posted on Fertility Doll:

A Fertility Gift

By: Tess Murphy

One Man’s Story on why he decided to become a sperm donor

Since I've been blogging I've watched women seek egg donors but I've never witnessed a sperm donor seeking a female or a 
couple to assist on their journey. That's why when this came through to my inbox I felt that I needed to share it. I am in no way 
affiliated to this but I'm curious and hopeful that this could lead to a woman or couple having their dream of becoming parents 
come true. You might read it and want to know more about the donor's motive, you might think it's too good to be true or you 
might find that you're interested. In any case, the guest author Tess Murphy has left her details to answer your questions or feel 
free to post them below- M, Fertility Doll 


View original 558 more words

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Tout va bien

I had another appointment to check on my little lazy blast today. It’s still there, the heartbeat is still there and it’s measuring alright. The gynecologist repeated about 5 times “tout va bien”, all is well. I guess someone who works only with people with fertility issues understands the fears and the huge need for reassurance.

I am to go back to see him in about two weeks for another scan and, if all is still well, that’ll be our last appointment with him. I find that both scary and exciting. But I don’t want to think about it too much for now.

Not much else happened this week. I was on sick leave so i have done lots of sleeping,  reading and a little bit of work. My mum was here and spoiled me a lot, cooking yummy stuff and taking care of everything. She left this morning, which means I’m gonna have to go back to cooking our meals. Whoops… Today is also my last day on sick leave.  Time to stop procrastinating!

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A bit of a scare

This morning, like every day, I got on the train, did not find a seat, tried to make sure no one would push me or hit my tummy, got off the train, got on the bus and then headed for a last few minutes walk to work. Except that after getting off the bus I had cramps so bad that I could hardly walk.

As I got to work I went to the ladies’  and realized I was bleeding. Not spotting. Proper red bleeding. I started sobbing and could only tell my self “it’s over”. I have seen this happen so many times through blogs and twitter and yet it was impossible to stay calm. I was so scared I was shaking…

I called my gynecologist but he didn’t answer. I also asked for help on twitter but the main answer was to go to an Emergency Pregnancy Unit (EPU). The problem is that I don’t even know where the EPU or emergencies are in the Paris area, nor whether here it works like in my country where you have to wait for hours and fill in tons of paperwork before you get to see a doctor.
(Anyone who can enlighten me on this for the future is welcome!)

Finally, I managed to hold of the gynecologist who told me to go see him. He was so nice and it calmed me down immensely to see him. I got a scan done and everything was fine: I saw a sack and a yolk and a heartbeat. Such a relief!

I have to take some extra progesterone, stop baby aspirin, rest and stay off work for a week, which is great especially as it means I can skip the commute. I’ll go back in a week for a check and another scan.

I think this is my punishment for having spent the last few days stressing and wondering how to get an early scan. I guess I had what I wanted somehow but I would have much preferred to skip the bleeding and the worrying..

When I told my husband that all was well he texted “YEEEES!!! Big hug to you both!”. I found it so touching, that he thinks of “us both”. It made me realize that right now, and hopefully for quite a while still, I am two.

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The beta tracking week

It’s almost a week after I got to know that my wee lazy blast decided to stick. The doctor asked me to do a second beta today and I spent the week in full calm and zen, patiently waiting for today’s news.

That’s bullshit, of course! But you knew that…

On Monday morning I had initially decided to follow the doctor’s instructions. I called the acupuncturist to let him know about the results and he started going on and on about how it wasn’t necessarily going to evolve and how lots could still go wrong etc. I knew that already but hearing it got me in enough of a panic mode to go do a second beta over lunch break. I felt better when I saw it had gone up 624 (from 222).

On Tuesday I had decided I didn’t really need to do another beta until Friday. But then on Wednesday morning I woke up at 6 AM with cramps and with no nausea and decided I may as well get up and get a beta done before work. At the lab I was pleasantly surprised to get a waiting ticket numbered H222 to follow up on last week’s numerical coincidences. Beta had gone up to 1457.

Today I went in for the one beta that I was asked to do. It’s now up to 3535.

So that makes it 222-624-1457-3535. This week I realized that I have no idea what should happen when things go in the right direction. So I did a bit of googling (ok, a lot of googling..) and found that these levels as well as the doubling times (around 35hh) are in range. Which makes me cautiously very happy!

No more betas now. Next step is a scan on October 20th.

Before I leave you, I just wanted to thank you all from the very bottom of my heart for all the messages you sent last week. I was really touched. I know I’ve done the same a zillion times in the last years.. I always found the shared happiness and the long flow of messages for someone’s success beautiful. But living it from the other side made me realize even more how wonderful and kind you all are. Really, thank you!


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Not so lazy after all


My beta HCG at 10dp5dt today is 222.

For the record, I was born on 22 February. 222. I don’t believe in signs but I still like this coincidence.

My little lazy blastocyst was not that lazy after all…

I am so happy and excited, and exhausted from the waiting and scared that things may go wrong.. there’s so much that could still go wrong..

This is the first time I don’t POAS before the beta (I resisted the temptation only because I had to focus on work and couldn’t risk a breakdown before today). I didn’t know what to expect when I opened the PDF file with the results. After years of seeing 1s, and only once a 15, it was hard to believe that the three digit number was really for us.

It’s also the first time in all our IVF cycles that my husband was with me when reading the results: all other times he was away with friends or family. This time he was invited to go on a trip but decided to stay instead. I am so glad he stayed. Seeing his happy tears – through my own tears – was wonderful. Whatever happens from now on, today is a day I will not forget.


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Adoption meet up

I haven’t been talking much about adoption lately. Not that it hasn’t been on our minds, but since getting a long list of rejections from adoption agencies we’ve been feeling stuck and really down about the whole thing.

We still decided to go to a meet up of the local adoption association, which included adoptive families as well as other people trying to adopt. My my motivation to go had been low in the last days but I am really happy we went now.

It was a beautiful sunny day and seeing these families with adoptive children warmed up my heart and actually gave me some hope. When the new children were introduced with their families I couldn’t hold back tears. I was really ashamed until I saw I wasn’t the only one crying.

I also met lots of really nice people. I also finally met in person a lovely IVF buddy and her husband, which was really cool. Everyone was eager to talk, exchange and give suggestions. It was nice to be able to talk about adoption to people who have gone or are going through the same difficulties, to get good advice and encouragement, and generally to feel understood.

After this meet up, my husband and I went for a nice long walk in the woods and talked about adoption with a lot more hope than we have done in the last months. For the first time in months I feel like there may be a tiny chance that we may become adoptive parents one day, even if there is still a long way ahead.


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