Nice surprise from my body

About a year and a half ago I did a glucose and insulin test to help decide if I should follow some particular diet that could help IVF or take metformin. The endocrinologist said I did not have diabetes but that my insulin reaction was a bit borderline. She advised to carry on with low GI diet and actually gave me instructions to follow a diet for gestational diabetes.

I had already cut sweets and desserts of all kind, but that added more restrictions, such as on bread, pasta, rice and – the toughest of all – fruit. I followed that diet for over a year and I only went back to a less restrictive diet after I got pregnant.

Today I had my glucose test (which is compulsory at the 5th month of pregnancy in here). Having in mind what the endocrinologist told me before, I was expecting to be positive but I am not. I am seriously amazed that my body is behaving so well and I am very very thankful that all is going so well!

good unexpected things

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Role reversal?

A couple of weeks ago I went to my first mid-wife appointment. There were 4 of us there: one very grumpy lady pregnant with her 2nd child, one slightly older lady with a very complicated pregnancy and one younger lady. We were all asked how we were feeling and how the pregnancy was going. I answered that I had a healthy pregnancy and that I was generally feeling well. When it was her turn, the younger girl said that she didn’t have any health issue but that she was really struggling with pregnancy symptoms. She said – giving me a nasty look – that she also felt bad because around her everyone else loved being pregnant.

That was really weird for me! It made me wonder if, after looking at other women with easier journeys towards pregnancy with varying degrees of jealousy, I have now become the nightmare of many pregnant women: the one who loves being pregnant! Not that I spend my time telling everyone how awesome it is to be pregnant, but if asked I usually just say that all is well…

Besides initial bleeding episodes I am extremely lucky to have avoided other issues so far (hope I’m not jinxing myself..). And I guess years of dreaming of a baby make it really easy for me to feel that annoying symptoms are a small price to pay for the massive chance I have. I haven’t been immune to pregnancy symptoms but my mind keeps making it all relative to IVF:

  • Morning sickness? After having it every time I had to take estrogen patches (that is a month each time I had a FET), it was good to finally have it for a good reason!
  • Bloated? Not nearly as bad as OHSS!
  • Food restrictions? A lot less traumatic than giving up sugar 2 years ago!
  • Tired? The levels of tiredness of my body were and still are impressive but I still found it easier compared to the combination of body and mind tiredness that a failed IVF or a miscarriage can lead to.
  • Anxious? Scared? Yes, I am bloody scared and I often have nightmares that this may all be taken away. But I am getting a chance at this and that’s a lot more than I had in the previous four years..

I can see how me saying I was doing well may have made the young lady believe that I am luckier than her. But I am also pretty sure she wouldn’t swap with me if she knew the whole story. Because, while I am well aware of how lucky I am now, it was hard to get here. She doesn’t know that and probably hasn’t even thought of it. But I do.

I am thankful every day for what I have, and even more so this week: the second semester scan showed all is still going well! Oh, and it’s a girl!

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What about adoption?

One of the first questions I was asked after telling people about the positive pregnancy test was about adoption: what about adoption? will you give up adoption then? Will you still adopt? You should change your twitter profile: it still says “trying to adopt”.

My husband and I discussed this immediately, especially since we had an adoption meeting while waiting for the results of our fist beta. We both agreed that we would still like to adopt, despite the added complications of having a biological child.

But, despite this sort of I-want-it-all type of wish, we may not be able to adopt. If all goes well with the pregnancy, we will let the adoption people know about the baby and we’ll be taken out of the (7-year) waiting list for national adoption. Legally, we would still be able to adopt from abroad. However, you may recall that we have applied to several agencies but that none of them retained our profile. We have a permission to adopt a young baby (3 year old maximum) but this is not feasible given the situation of international adoption at the moment. We have already been told that we need to ask for an extension so as to be able to adopt an older child or a child with health problems. To do this we would be asked to go through a another series of meetings with the adoption services, in order to discuss what is basically our new adoption project. There is no way that we could do this in the coming months: it would feel wrong and I am pretty sure that the lady from the adoption services would tell us that we need to focus on a project at a time, which makes perfect sense.

So, to answer the question on whether we’ll still try to adopt, I think the adoption project we had in the last years won’t be possible anymore. If we get approval for it though, we would love to transform our adoption project into a new one in the future.

But for now, after all this time of dreaming of having a baby, I think we owe it to ourselves and to this baby to just take one thing at a time, enjoy the present and simply live our dream.

live-your-dream

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Happy songs

As per Julys‘ suggestion here are some happy songs for anyone who may need a bit of energy! Waka waka – Shakira This is the theme song of my hen do. Maybe I like it so much because it reminds me of a really fun zumba class with a very hot zumba teacher ;) http://youtu.be/pRpeEdMmmQ0 Walking on Sunshine – Katrina & the Waves http://youtu.be/iPUmE-tne5U L’ombelico del mondo – Jovanotti A song from my youth that I never get tired of! http://youtu.be/3ZY3bm93Wk4 Baciami piccina – Trio Radiomarelli This is the band that played at our wedding :D http://youtu.be/dA2jkRdtLjA Dancing queen – Abba Can’t miss Abba from a list of happy songs! http://youtu.be/xFrGuyw1V8s What are your happy songs?

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Today I hope. Today I’m French.

I have been living in France for over 5 years now. I am not French and actually occasionally struggle to feel at home in this country (mostly for silly reasons like my dislike for mustard and its presence everywhere). But today I don’t struggle to feel home.

Today I’m French.

I feel French for my strong beliefs in freedom, for the admiration I have for this country which defends such freedom, for all the people, of different religion, ethnic origin and beliefs, who stand together for the common values this country if founded on.

1.5 million people took part to the demonstrations today in Paris. More took part to others around France but also in the rest of the world. It was really impressive to see! I could not be one of them, even if my thoughts and heart were certainly there.

I really hope that today’s demonstration is a sign that there’ll be more tolerance. More fraternite’. More pencils and drawings, and less violence.

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Happy new year!!

Happy new year everyone!! I hope everyone enjoyed – or at least successfully survived – the winter holidays. I hope 2015 will bring you love, serenity and happiness!

I know for some 2014 was a very tough year, and for a few 2015 actually started with bad news. I am thinking of you loads and I can only hope that this year will bring you lots of luck and pleasant surprises.

HappyNewYear

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Telling the outside world

As we recently passed the 12 week cap and reached the end of the first trimester, we started breaking the news to friends, family and colleagues.

MafaldaChair

Everyone has been really enthusiastic. My colleague who had her baby at 42 after 6 IVF rounds even cried when I told her. As for my bosses, knowing about IVF, they have been super nice, with no mention of work issues. My big boss could seriously win a prize for his enthusiasm.

Telling people has also lead me to uncover our journey to a few more people and to find that more people have had problems with infertility. The Director of the department where I work told me that it took him and his wife five years to have their son. And when I told my old PhD supervisor, he answered with this:

“You actually have lots of company—many more people go through this than the uninitiated realize. Nobody talks about it, which is kind of a shame given that it creates a needless stigma. It took my wife and I 3 tries to get our son.”

As for family and friends, they have been super enthusiastic though often surprised since we hadn’t talked much about IVF lately. We did of course get a few classic remarks:

  • “See, you just needed to wait / be patient!” 
    [You are totally right, waiting for things to magically work out is exactly what have been doing in the last years..]
  • “I knew it would work!”
    [My bad, I should have trusted your ability to read the future.]
  • “I’m sure it worked because you had let go / given up / relaxed”.
    [I wish I could let this one go, but just feel I have to explain.. I don’t know why it worked this round. It may have been because it was our first blastocyst or the meds we used but it was surely not because I was relaxed or not thinking about it..]

Telling people has also made me feel a bit nervous. I fear having to call them all back to tell them that things didn’t work out. But my husband is so enthusiastic that I don’t want to spoil it for him with my fears. So I’m just letting him talk, and hoping that it will all go well.

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